舞。林

New Year Goal?

2012-01-08T23:12:00.000-08:00

Recently I have set a New Year resolution for myself, it is just some very simple step which lead me to a better person.
1. Always think of other first anytime anywhere, as God's people, I shall think of other people rather than just thinking of myself
2. Word of God everyday at least a passage from the bible a day
3. Speaking word of encouragement

烦

2011-11-24T05:07:00.000-08:00

许久没更新，有很多东西发生，只不过，不知从何说起。
只能说自己没用，什么都做不好，事事不如意。
世界就是这样，我走到哪里，就有克住我的人。
只能说有时候，我被别人看底。所谓以小人之心夺君子之腹。
我只能说，对任何事，不再上心。
无论我付出多少，为多少事劳心劳力，流血流泪，还是有所谓的小人。
两个字，以为。可以让我心痛到极点。
两个字，以为。就判断我是一个这么卑鄙的人
两个字，以为。我就是别人眼中的坏人，小人，什么人？
两个字，就是这两个字，我已经放弃了，失望透顶。
不再上心，不再有冲刺。冲刺来个屁！！！

The Road Not Taken

2011-09-13T19:35:00.000-07:00

" Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergroth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."
by Robert Frost

When comes to decision making, I really have no choice.
I am choosing 2 paths, both paths are gonna make my life different.
But which one will I choose? I really don't know
Seeking for advice, from who?
Well at least I have 7 days

2011-07-10T07:41:00.000-07:00

两个月没写部落格的我，最近过得怎么样了?这两个月的我，感触良多。高山低谷就还没走到这个地步。不过开始觉得有点寂寞了，想找个人来关心下，也想被关心。不知道被人抱在怀里的那一种感觉是不是那么美好？
生命中来来去去有人插肩而过，也有人停下来，在你心里种了一个让你无法磨灭掉的种子，等着他成长开花。也许，我不会遇到这一个人，也可能，这人已出现，也很有可能，我是这个人。
人总是贪婪，有人贪钱，有人贪色，有人贪玩。而我？我是哪一种贪新鲜的人吧？如有新奇的东西，我一定会去试一试，就是试过去真诚的爱一个人。以前不敢爱，是因为爱错，明知爱上一个不应该爱的人是一种错误，何必呢....
曾经一个朋友，他很真，我很喜欢他。别人认为他有点gay,但是他却又女朋友。有一天，他这样向我解释：“你知道为什么有些人会这么说我吗？” 我看着他，等待着他的答案。“因为我很想像有些女生一样，一样有人疼，有人关心，作为男人，你只能做关心人，疼爱人的那一个....."
我想想，其实，我是不是另一个他，一直期待别人来关心下我，就像个弟弟也好啊！！哈哈哈，真幼稚，真感性。
算了，不可能的事，永远都不可能，只能做主动的那一个了。

Random topic

2011-05-24T09:15:00.000-07:00

We have been through a lot of things that really keep me up. I always face everything in a positive manner. I don't wanna let people to see I am sad, I don't wanna put my sadness and share it to people, this is my living manners.
But how many people know me exactly and how many people know what I've been through? well, I don't know, only God knows. Recently I tend to be forgetful, maybe it is good to me, I started to not to be too sad when I face challenges, I am prepared for any situation except for natural disaster and other thing. I don't know, but I feel that this year, I grew up and learned a lot.
I am not that "me" who always have negative thinking in my mind. I started to learn how to charge in a very calm manner. Its not that I am a slow man, I just like to observe then action, well, this is who I am.
We have started BB in Sekolah Seri Suria for 4 weeks, to me I am happy that we have around 10 faithful one, but I get a lot of negative feedback, say few people, no spirit whatever whatever, but I stand firm on my ground, I always have this positive manners and always tell myself:"thank God for these number". Although what I did didn't get appreciated, although I get persecuted, although.... I don't know, if I don't set myself good in terms of thinking, how can I lead my people?
I don't know how long can I stand or hold, but I will do my best when I still available and when I still have power and ability, even I am busy, but I know and I am sure that I am doing the right things, for God's kingdom.

Smile

2011-05-06T08:21:00.000-07:00

Recently I get annoyed, well always huh! I am not sure whether how I get annoyed, it just that I don't wish to be as funny as last time I was after finished that movie...
But I have become the original me, normally I just try to be funny, so when I angry, everyone knows what happen, I am so powerful to express my feeling meh, XDD haa

Love Of Siam

2011-05-01T07:37:00.000-07:00

Have you watched this movie call 'The Love of Siam'? it is a romantic movie, to the certain extend it is called gay romance, by the way, avoid that part.
This movie talks about love many more, and it is the first movie that make me cry in front of screen out of impression. Except for those 2 men's love, the other part like family part also quite impressed.
This movie won't make me sick, but it really make a good impact in my life.
"When there is love, there is hope"
"when there is love, you will never be alone"

by the way, it is a Thai Movie

Priority

2011-04-21T02:47:00.000-07:00

What to do when people call u to priority your life, well, it is not easy for us to actually come out with 2 priority, to other people maybe they are just simple, do this and do that, in life, they just working, studying, stay at home, sport.
But as a believer of Christ, I always have this opportunity to serve, but this already taken my time aLOT, why I highlight this its because, yea, It is truey a lot, from now on, I am going to say No to something that is not neccessary for me.
I have dance, study, ministry, many things, so I am going to give up something, like PhotoHub, I am going giv up although I like photography...
Passion and serving always cannot come as a same peaceful mode, I cannot entertaint 2 parties at a same time.

再累都值得

2011-04-04T07:33:00.000-07:00

街边卖花的老奶奶；
在肉干店坐着看报纸的老人；
一群过马路的路人；
在银行排队的人；
还有许多许多我们日常生活中会察觉到但是又不是很明显的现象。
我们都为生活拼搏，为生命打拼。
但是，有多少个知道，活了这么久，到底为了什么。
我们往往在做着手头上东西的时候，往往会忘了我们的目标。
但是当我们觉得苦闷时，提醒自己我们的终止，那么再累都值得。

2011-03-17T08:11:00.000-07:00

Trying to live my life better, that's me, but whatever I did I still not satisfied, recently I signed up for the BB boot camp, but I don't feel any excitement, firstly because I am sick, well, quite heavy, but now feel better, during this time, I don't feel like going out, but still, I am going out tomorrow...
secondly, I can't predict what will happen in that camp, and I have no idea what to do, this time my brain is totally blank. Well, I guess it's my life ya =). I hope this time camp will make me forget of something I shouldn't think of, my mind is in chaos, I think of many things, I am trying to make myself busy, because I don't want my mind to stuck because of all these nonsense, well, guess this is me, outwardly, I am a very bad and also heartless guy, but inwardly, I have a great fire in my heart, I may be rational outwardly but emotional inwardly
Off without computer for 2 days, I hope these 2 days will go well... (well means nothing expected don't come out)

Thinking

2011-03-11T06:26:00.000-08:00

I am enough of my mind which always think of something nonsense. STOP THINKING ABOUT THE PERSON THAT I NOT SUPPOSE NOT TO THINK!! PLEASE!!
It is very unusual, I was very very struggling on my thinking, my rational told my emotion not to remind myself about someone that I shouldn't fall in love, because there will no ending for us. so, please, stop thinking..
I asked God to help me to clean my mind and remove it, but end up with nothing. PLEASE!!! DON"T MAKE ME SUFFER THIS ANYMORE!!!!

Judgement

2011-03-03T19:54:00.000-08:00

Recently I like to judge people on their attitude, sometimes you are just pissed of this because you are a viewer from aside.
Maybe I am taking it too seriously, the students in college always will late in class, which obviously not a good things, can you just imagine in your study and working life, you always late.
Punctuality determines what kind of people are you, well, to me, I see it as a very important point, if you are punctual, you have a good impression, then you can do your things easier. Imagine you have a meeting with your client, and you make it late.
Well, take it as a comparison, I live the farest(new word) among all the people, but I get to reach there earlier than anyone else, this don't mean anything for me but for all those students. As a senior, I felt disappointed to them, you let lecturer wait for you, hey come on, you very big kah?
It is our responsibility, well seems like I have to close one eye for other people, they thought late for class is common in school and actually a thing very yeng, but guess what, to me, you are just a person who like to celebrate April Fool.

The Rain Drops

2011-02-25T00:33:00.001-08:00

I don't know why, but I hate heading forward.
within a few weeks, there are many things to do.
I always teach my friend: when things come a lot, you have to choose to give up.
learn to choose what is your passion, and learn to make a right choice.
But to me, I am too afraid, because I am like a chicken.
I am afraid to choose what is my priority.
Performance, study, camp, BB, all come like a rainy season.
Each drop is falling upon me and I can't deny it.
What can I do I just being in the rain, make myself wet.
I am growing up but my skill is getting lower.
I think I have to give up something, honestly, I have to learn to say "no"
If not I will be very tired.

雨量增多

2011-02-25T00:33:00.000-08:00

2011-02-24T07:52:00.000-08:00

有时候，当你看到别人，你会问，为什么我和别人这么不同？
无论言行举止，成绩，人格，样子，受欢迎度，运气，都不能和别人比。
反正世界就是这样，不公平的终究是不公平，无论你到哪里，地球还是一样的转，世界永远都不会变。
身边出现的人越来越多，有母性的我也开始放弃照顾小的宗旨了。
他们自己会适应的，也不用变得那么好客了，你怎么对人不等于别人怎么对你。
以为我能够做到，但是实在是太累了，真的很累。
晚上坐下来回想时，差点要垮掉，因为要在人前演戏，真的很累人。
也许，我已摆脱以前的我，但是，我现在想变回以前那一个
那一个朋友不多，情绪化，小气，不爱开玩笑的我，至少不用那么累。
不说话的时候也能想想，想下有什么东西做。
不知道一个静静的我，沉默的我会带给别人什么影响。
身边的演员实在太多，我已经放弃，不想再把感情放在他们身上。
我不会再虚伪，还是我从来就不。
快，狠，准，一向来是我说话的方式，也许已得罪了人，是时候用沉默的自己来挽回,或再次得罪？

I am also the Same

2011-02-20T04:03:00.001-08:00

Communication, it is the tool that you might have with people in this life and world. Recently I will always tell people that struggle with their decision that made by their parents, and said that communication is a best tool for you.
But, in my life, my area, I am a failure, i don't dare to talk with my father if I got something need to shout out loud. I am not a good communicator, I fail all the time.

Disappointment

2011-02-16T23:45:00.000-08:00

Like I said, don't give people hope if you don't wanna fulfill it, especially for your son. You guys may think: Sam, you get disappointed by your parents?, Yea, apart from that, story begin.
Still remember my father said he asked me to ask the price? yea, at last I got the cheap price ever. But guess what? "son, don't be so rush, I don't say I wanna buy." After hearing this, imagine a emotional human who waited something he expected for 1 year and yet his father didn't even care for it then said this to him. That time my mind is chaos, as I expected, parent always break promise, I am ready for it.
I am not sad for not buying the camera, but I am sad that I had this kind of father, which he called me to ask price for DSLR is just acting in front of his friends, showing off... I told myself not to cry, because I am not a kid anymore, I am not a kid in a supermarket where my parents don't buy things to me I will cry all the way home, I should think and calm down, I must be strong, because I will not trust on anyone including family on major things anymore.
After that word, many things come into my mind, we all know that that's not money problem, its already been 3 days, this thing hinder me a lot, my friends who knew my feeling come and confronted me, just fine, I will not hold a single camera anymore, this kind of action make me sick of camera, from now on, I will not be a photographer, never ever. I will work all the way myself next time to get the thing I want.

Appreciative

2011-02-14T07:37:00.000-08:00

What I told my senior today was, I discover people who study or working under a particular school or company would not appreciate their on "working" place".
I am not a person who like to rub shoes(it is definitely tiring), but in my own opinion, I think sometimes we should really think and evaluate ourselves. Okay let's give some example, students always blame on college facilities and lecturer and some sort so far bla bla bla, don't wanna talk much.
But sometimes in my opinion, I am a student who study here, whenever the student leader need help, I will go and help. When asking me to involve in an event, I accidentally(some sort) said, if you need me, I will be there. Because you are the member there if you don't support, who will? right? I am not those who like to appear in event to let people see that I am actually talented!!! please! look at me!! I am so good!! But sometimes in event, I can gain experience, knowledge(old word, bored of this), so ya, because I just wanna help, so easy.

Team Work

2011-02-10T19:29:00.001-08:00

Teamwork... in many sense it talks about reliable and dependant to each other, which mean 1 man cannot do 1 thing, we need a team to finish all those works.
When come to this, we always tend to say this, no hero, which is equivalent to no 1 man show, but is it all heroes are individualistic? except for those comic characters, but honest speaking, that's hard to finish 1 thing with 1 man show, which we require a lot of teamwork inside it.
Come back to my life, to me, I don't really depend on people(except for those who really reliable), because I got disappointed quite a lot of time, but I still moving on as what who am I now. That's what I been through, neglected, betrayal, mocking, insulting by friends and teammates, but I still moving out, by enduring all my tears which make me today.
I said to myself before do not rely on people and everytime I do things and in action, I shall play as 1 man, but I found my strength is limited. Two is better than one, I am still finding a really good partner of mine, sometimes drama really attracts me a lot, especially those who have team spirit and partnership which did a lot of good things out.
Just like Fusion, two weak people came together can actually do a greater things than a successful people, I always believe in this, but I cannot apply it, so sad. Secondary time, I though I found many partners and teammates and all those Two is Better than One stuff,but eventually I failed.
1 man show isn't bad, but it ain't good as well, I tried my best to be individual but God put me into team. BB and my future career, I should learn to trust, but are my teammates trustworthy? no one knows that, so as I.

Materialism

2011-02-09T19:09:00.000-08:00

DSLR, iPhone, Laptop, shoes, and what else? well, there are much more things to talk about that is currently hitz in this world which everybody talks about and has it in their hands.
Let's talk about DSLR, currently I want 1,so, yup, my father approves it. Before I bought I was really thinking: Am I gonna have it because of many people(even 14 years 0ld kid) have it or I really want. But think it carefully, 1 of my interest or passion is actually taking photos and shooting and a simple compact camera cannot satisfy me of course, so I guess ya, I am not that kind of people. (even the shopping mall also so many people holding canon eos, me and my cousin teasing them showing off, must get one greater and more complicated stuff to show off in front of those "showing off" people, hope you know how I feel in that particular time.)
come back to iPhone, the greatest hitz of all time, WOW!! u CRAZEEE man?? well yea, iPhone is something a greatest prove for materialism, they are really like this. in a group of 5, we can clearly see that 4 of them(or even the fifth one has it) holding and actually moving the screen, but actually by comparison, college students don't really need it much, unless you are a part time boss of a company that's need to check e mail regularly, honestly, even my brother and I are satisfied with our phones. So a phone for you to play song and game and whatever it should be, it is something not neccessary for my age. iPhone, lolx, I am not a sour grapes, but actually ya, to see something that I don't have now, I feel that I am quite happy with these things.

初六

2011-02-08T08:04:00.000-08:00

不仅不觉，来到了初六，日子过得真快，再过九天，新年就过去了。不知道的人，还以为还能拿红包呢！
最近都很忙，想出来玩一下，松松脑筋很筋骨，因为未来的路很难走。再难走，也要硬着头皮走下去。
时间分分秒秒的过，我就越来越心酸，想起新年前，有多么的想过年，现在，闷.... 也好，热闹也不属于我的style.

New Year

2011-02-06T07:29:00.000-08:00

Stepping into the 4th day of Chinese New Year, these days of gathering make me feel... a little bit emotional, I don't know why. 4 days... without questioning it is not enough, it is something like a very short and unneccessary and without fun.
Except for visit each other we got nothing to do, seriously, well, maybe that's life, we tend to love something new and fresh, but when comes to 18 to 19 years, it turns tasteless. But, thanks to my friend, Raymond and his brother, father to pursue my father to get a DSLR for me, finally he had approved, now I just have to wait patiently for the price and buy it.
one more thing that I get in CNY, I always wonder, am I studying a right course? I don't know, my result never be so good as I expected, but along the 1 year to study, God actually show me something, but I am still wondering... I am quite lost for what am I studying now. God showed me how people really impressed by my work, especially in church, but... I still wondering for it, hope this is really what I choose is right.

Just Random

2011-01-21T08:39:00.000-08:00

I felt depressions keep coming into my mind and stop me moving forward. I don't know but the pressure that given by the upper positions really make me cannot breathe, I was like, am I going to question? If I question, will it be a disobedience? I am really... afraid. I don't know how can I step forward, and I cannot move backward anymore.
These 2 weeks I get a lot, things that has done are already done, stuff that be solved is solved. But what about this? what about that, things things keep coming to my mind that really depress me, I am happy to know more people in my life, in the same time I feel sad and... and depressed? because of some pressure coming to me that really hinder me to choosing a right way, left or right? which road should I take, I just want to stop walking. I am sad, I am discouraged... from the very first of this year I was, I am, but I will be not, how can I tell myself that?
I wanna shout out loud for my foolishness, for my uselessness that I cannot solve a problem and cannot console myself for many things, yet I called myself as one of a leader in church, am I fooling myself? am I misusing my ability? Am I.....

1st Week of schooling

2011-01-13T23:24:00.000-08:00

Well, 1st week of schooling is almost coming to an end, and this is only the beginning. Boredom is coming lately.
Well, thank God that everyday we will have Presentation to decrease the boredom, but among all the short semester course, I like History of Art and Design. The lecturer promoted it very well, he can actually take my attention, unlike other Sejarah teacher in secondary school.
I don't know whether I can pass this semester but I will surely try my best, college to me like no more problem in passing but scoring.

Giving Thanks

2011-01-11T07:19:00.000-08:00

With people gone and come, passing by, friends, family, strangers, brothers and sisters. There are many kinds of men and women you actually dealing with.
Among so many people, last few days something just prompt to my mind about last year, someone really appear in my life that I should really appreciate them. Maybe to them or to other people, (or maybe to me) it is not an important, it is just a little tiny things in the world, just an ant among 10 cows.
Story begin like this, there is a senior of me, i heard it for twice, he always say this while other people asking and curious about my ability, he will say:"you learned this right? go and do it la" yes, this sentence really gave me a great encouragement and also increase our rate of friendship inside. I like the way of this senior tell me and encourage me while others just curious about my ability.
2nd group of people were those who people higher ranking than me, one of them see me forward to be a higher leader. I am happy to have them. and one more say that I have a potential, just that something hindering me.
I am just giving example, just wanna give thanks to those who encouraged me and look forward to me, I will not disappoint you guys =)

Forgotten

2010-12-27T07:20:00.000-08:00

I....actually forgot something, I forgot one mind-set that I should set in my mind.
I should really recall back myself, do not get to friendly to people.
For the sentiment of mine for people and friend already lost.
I should not treat them so goodly for my tear already shed for human and it is finished.
I started to get back to myself, for treating people nicely is for some purpose.
I... just cannot be so nice. I don't want to be that.
If not, I will get hurt by other once again...

Christmas Service

2010-12-26T08:11:00.000-08:00

Since the Christmas Service, God really impressed somebody, I don't know but I am sure I am, my church actually involved in a charity work by remembering the poor and doing outreach.
I invited Sean to come to the service, he is a very special and cheerful man, I felt comfortable when being with him. He shared with me he felt something during the praise and worship time. I think I had the same feeling during that time, Praising and Worship God is exciting for me =). We talked alot and shared alot of things between each other. This Christmas is fruitful to everyone and each one of us.
I think I had take a very good lesson that is the miracle of love, the older one of mine actually changed, to be more lovely to the friends around me, I am able to care for others, and building a whole new friendship, I pray that I can have more love from God too to love the people around me.

Learn to change

2010-12-20T07:48:00.000-08:00

With everything I have in my mind I try to forgive and try not to angry.
These days I face a lot of so-called persecution and teasing.
Although it is not in front of me but I can see that, I just act like I didn't see anything. but from that on, I just know what call a friend, which is when you have trouble is someone who you seek but when nothing happen it is better you keep silent from each other.
It is maybe too harsh for me, I don't need good friend anymore, it is just something that I need but I won't be dead if lack of them. Since I studied in college, we don't have time to be together, so our thinkings are different, so its time for us to draw a line between each other, I know many of my friends will talk something not really good about me behind me which is I don't really care anymore, because from now on, I am already disheartened.
I won't put so much love and hope in friendship which end up with this consequences but I will spend my time to build up myself, I used to work alone and do things alone, with assistant but not partnership, with workers but not friends.

Success and Fun!

2010-12-13T22:38:00.000-08:00

From Thursday to Sunday, I have my funniest time ever, well, where to start? Let's see.....
BB makes my life interesting, this story started with my captain called me out to do a slide presentation for Christmas Dazzles Concert, it is God's blessing that I can really serve in this area which I have to control the visual effect of the slideshow in front of 500+- people and audiences. I have being "scolded" by the chairman because of not aware of the slide transition, but it was fun, 2nd day and the actual day is better. erm... let's explain, the choir had some songs and series of song, each song require different background and scenery, so I have the responsibility to show all those slide and also control the entire sequence of screen.
With several practices and awareness, I am able to control and have fun in the concert, it is really amazing that I can enjoy the music while playing the slides even I heard it for 4 days. To some people it maybe boring, but I am really enjoying the music and nearly wanna dance with it.
The first most memorable moment is when Choir singing "Night Of Silence" and the audiences are singing "Silent night". This duet really making it amazing, I am sure that it impressed those audiences, so as I.
Finally come to an end, Selangor State BB members and officers go in front of the stage and "perform" and having fun there (so called free clubbing), and we had our funniest time there. Maybe my reader cannot feel it, because this have to feel it by ourselves. We ended with photography sessions, The Philharmonic Society and the Boys' Brigade of Selangor finally had our group photo.
Get back to Monday, the day after my concert is my Assessment of my Video Editing project, although the comment is not so good, but i bet that my project is good enough just not that good. And what really make me happy is 1 of my lecturer really gave me a compliment that my artwork improved a lot from last semester, I was like.... erm... okay, she said she is serious, I said, yes I trust you of course. Well, guess that next semester I have to gambateh more and more, cause I don't want to make myself disappointed.
AMAZING DAYS with amazing people,
Special thanks to: Philharmonic Society Of Selangor, BB Selangor and College people. =)

Strong

2010-11-27T07:17:00.000-08:00

Its been a long time since I update my blog, this time I will start with stories of mine in Awards Camp.(No photo)
In the 4 days 3 nights camp, it has been a tough time, toughest wan is not that the physical toughness but the emotional and mental. I have come across with some mental disorder. Why?
First day, we are require to build a raft to sail it on the water which need some material, as a team leader I took a responsibility to take some order, end up with we just "less taken" something. What happen, the trainer scolded me in front of all those members. The first thing, I was angry and sad at a same time, A clear instruction is given, but why still wrong, and means that I wrong? Why I have to receive this kind of punishment? if I said I am not wrong, but no one will be on my stand. That time after getting scolded, I nearly cried, but I just endured, it is hard to endure your tear from dropping from you eyes.
What can I say? this camp is the unluckiest one for me to take lead, in my team no one took initiative to do things, I was like a man pulling a bunch of cows to move on, no on likes to move. Finally, Good, get scolded again, I can say that to be a leader, they don't appreciate me at all, I am not saying that I am perfect, but they are like a bunch of bull(or worse than that?), A bull will move when it get bitten, but they wont move even you hit them for 5 to 6 times.
I already fed up for sometimes, some of my members ask me why inside the camp, Why will I be like that, I just said: nothing, just leave me alone. But actually I am crying in my heart, I am sad that I cannot be an influence leader, and I am very frustrating to move a bunch of so called burden. but in my heart, I always tell myself, I have to be strong, I have to move on, that's why I can stand until now, no weapon formed against me shall prosper.

空虚

2010-11-09T07:29:00.000-08:00

好久没有写blog了，不过也不够和别人谈心事久，大概...10个月？一年？大概吧！觉得自己越来越不打紧，以前的自己慢慢的消失，总觉得现在的我欠了点东西，里面空了。
为什么空？不知道，可能一直在最求一些日常生活因该做的。好吧！都18岁了，应该变了，变得....不知道，我已经越来越迷失，不认识自己，不认识现在的我，很陌生，我到底是好人，还是一个很讨人厌的人？开始在想，怎么也没答案，身边每一个人可以告诉我，因为，好友都不在我身边陪着我，与我同行，最求同一个未来...

Insecure

2010-10-14T08:39:00.000-07:00

When you feel that you are in a comfort zone, sooner and later you will something is not right.
This is like what happen to me, well, as you can see that, I am getting more and more neutral, anything sad will not conquer my emotion, but somehow there is something makes me feel upset.
I was just speechless for currently what happen my friends, seems like problems never let go of them, or they never let go of problems?I hope they can discover and released one day.
Recently college seems going to happen something big, warfare? no idea, but I don't feel secure anymore when I was in college, the atmosphere already not there, my heart getting cooler and cooler, and my tears... it is not flowing anymore.
growing bigger mean problems are coming, I always see my friends posted many status in facebook saying that they are hurt, so on and so fault. but honest speaking, I am sad if anyone of my friends is hurt or emo, anyone. I tend to become a listener, I want to help my friend, I just want them to share what happen to me to make them feel better, I just want to be a listener, but, where is my speakers...

EMOTIONAL

2010-10-11T21:50:00.001-07:00

Recently I just did many psychological test in facebook, they calculate it quite accurately, it is said that I am always happy towards people and I was trying to hide myself inside.
actually, yes, this is me. As I know, I was trying to be happy always, but as time goes by, I felt my heart is going heavier and heavier. I don't know what happen to me, but for sure I feel I am more emo internally but not externally. That's a good thing or a bad thing? I don't know.
I was trying to find a people to talk with, at least both of us share our struggles to each other to be balance. But nobody knows my intension, they just treated me as an ordinary people, a passer-by, or even a person that doesn't exist in their eyes if I didn't speak out. Maybe it is.
Day by day I live like an ordinary people, but one thing I improved from the past, that is I am out of control from my emotion

Random

2010-10-04T04:21:00.000-07:00

Finally, after so many of laziness, I can get back to my blog, writing my personal life and story.
After so many struggles(actually not). Well, let's get back to topic, I find myself back, the 'me' that is quite emotional 1 year ago. I don't know why will he came back, but this time he is inside of my body but not outside, it means that he won't come out from my body to let people see him.
My emotion just act inwardly, is it a good thing? every time when I feel sad, I will just cried inwardly, and my tear would not flew out.Even though I tried my best to cry it out but it still doesn't work, maybe I haven't meet the biggest challenge and difficulty, the best way to hypnotize myself is to focus on my work, get cool in my work =).

Let's talk about something that make me happy. Recently, I just made a gift to 2nd Manjung, thankfully it is sent to there by one day, I am so excited after received the sms from my friend.

A Visit to Sitiawan

2010-09-13T07:15:00.000-07:00

Finally I have my wish comes true to come to Sitiawan and visit my friends there. The first day I have my breakfast with Steven and Alan, my first time of meeting Steven, as I expected, he was a very nice guy. Previously I just saw him in facebook, well, I was treated as a guest, but I was like a helper. Later then I went to some places and some houses and visit them.
We do a lot a lot of lame but funny things, in Juo Keong's father Cafe, we have videography, which the actors are Eddie and Alan. I had a really great time, this was my first time traveling alone as an outsider to Sitiawan. Well, feeling good.
My tour guide Andrew introduce me to some places, he is a very good person though. Although sometimes he is abit out of control.
From the rehearsal to the practice, arranging chairs and tables, and the actual dinner, I learned a lot from them, their system, their work, and I also go and instruct them how to do in an efficient way, it is quite funny when you see people do what you taught them, it reminded me when I was Form 1.
It is so hard to accept the fact, I had been through the last night in Sitiawan. Time really flying, I feel like my tears are flowing through, I can't see all my friends here one by one, but at least I know they are well enough, I was glad
I learned many things and I learned how to treasure the relationships and friendship. Although it seems nothing to people, but as and outsider I saw a lot, I can move on and share a lot, tear, laughter should not be ender here, but it may be continued by us, but not together, it is in different timing, places and different people.
I have many words to say to them one by one, as an advice, I hope it will be chances. After this, I felt myself charge enough, I learned a most important thing in a company is communication, without communications, it is like nothing. I felt very blessed to be BB, and I felt glad to have my members, officers, Captain and Chaplain moving with me. Thanks 2nd Manjung, for teaching me that what is unity, and thanks for letting me know that the source of Unity and a company, I will take it as a lesson, Shine like a Star, Be strong and courageous!

1st day in 2nd semester

2010-08-16T08:24:00.000-07:00

Finally, 2nd semester already arrived, well, new semester with new environment. our campus eventually move to Subang, the room and the hall is much more wider, we have exhibition corner and somemore there will be a stage.
Normally I will deny new stuff but this time I am open to accept it, because it is my college. After several times of visiting inside the new campus, I was like lose some excitement due to it is actually wide but nothing to see and nothing to surprise me. Before entering new semester I had visited once. Well, It's Like that.
Try to imagine the first day of this semester we got our homework. Can't blame, I am too hardworking to bring all those art materials to college, since we have our tools, why don't, but in the end, all things have to sponsor by me.
It will be a long long days for me to walk around and figuring out what the campus surrounding looks like. Hope this new environment can give me a fresh and also positive mind. Designers need positive mind.

旅程

2010-08-06T09:39:00.000-07:00

放了这么久的假，开始发霉了，头脑里一大堆设计的idea好像走完了。对，没错，我的头脑是有点发霉了，谁叫我这么懒，还有一个星期的时间，也是时候收拾会遗失的自己，因为要回到校园了。不知能不能过得了这个学期。
假期时我只在面子书上和朋友交流交流，大多数都是从实兆远来的朋友。说一说最近的状况，为什么在自闭，emo等等，老实说，对着他们，我格外开心，至少我可以好像大哥哥这般的安慰他们鼓励他们。发觉自己长大了很多，可是也觉得自己是多么的幼稚，会合这些小毛头玩的那么癫。虽然我们在营里才短短的五天，这五天我们已有了深厚的感情，不像在课室里的同学一样，需要很长的一段时间就认识。可能我们有一样的爱好，一样的热血，一样的三八....哈哈，想起也好笑，可是好的日子并不长，分离始终是痛苦的，虽然我已无憾，但是怎么样也会有点相思之苦。
这一次我被邀请到实兆远，他们会有个15周年纪念，听起来很好玩，想去学学东西顺便看一看我的远方的朋友，就连我的队长也看得出我去实兆远的目的，也太了解我了吧！话说回来，我真的很想很想很想x100见他们，我觉得他们也有同感，谁叫我们曾经感动过他们，这一次的机会我是不会这么容易放过的。
可惜，因为我这里没有战友，没人能陪我去....所以我家人就有点反对咯。我也终于打消了这个念头...其实和他们无关，前两天我梦见我和他们其中一人说对不起，我无缘出席，所以才做出这决定，因为在那梦之前，我曾经祷告给上帝，如果我不能去的话，给我一个梦吧！我不相信上帝真的这么做，很大可能是我日有所思夜有所梦。
事事总有转机，我在msn里巧遇一个贵人，她帮助我解决了一个问题，她说实兆远有人在KL求学，可能他可以帮得了我。对没错，它可以帮得了我，但是我还是要等他的答复。我真的很希望这个答复和我的计划不会相差太远。希望这趟旅程是可行的，我真的很希望，很渴望...

Sad Songs

2010-07-16T09:54:00.000-07:00

Recently I was listening 2 songs, these songs are about leaving. After listening this song I was like..... well, I really don't want to let you go, but I can't, you cannot, instead, all of us cannot stay a people as we like, because the world is like that. (dunno what Am I talking, so abstract). Well, I am not talking about relationship but in friendship. I missed someone all somebody who stay far away from me, we know each other for so period of time but we still can chat like good friends, but the time for us to relate with each other is too few.
That is a song saying that the hardest thing to do is saying bye. Everyone might say: 'come on! the hardest thing to do is say sorry, bla bla bla,' but does anyone know the true meaning behind this statement :The hardest thing to do is saying bye? It is actually saying that we can't let go, I mean, how willing are you to say goodbye to your good friend when you and him/her are going to separate and will never meet for a long time or forever?
Recently, I love to use this 3 words as my quote, when you see me saying or posting these 3 words, it means that I am in a very struggling, frustrating, sad, angry, arrogant mood, these 3 words give me a attitude of accepting the fact, so it is not negative to me, so please be ware when I am saying: Its Like That =)

生日

2010-07-13T22:00:00.000-07:00

最近才和朋友一起庆祝了我的生日，我真的很开心，第一，我第一次和朋友在外庆祝。这也不在话下，他们还一起帮我们庆祝，三人一起庆祝。第二，我可以再见到好久不见的中学朋友。人还是没变，一样飞。搞笑的依然搞笑；贪吃的依然贪吃；废的依然还是废的 XD。虽然只有短短两三个小时，但是对我来说已经是足够的了。对我来说,只要我们有离别，我们就会有再见的机会。

今天的天气又阴又没下雨，不知怎的。不过，我本人喜欢这种天气，它很温柔，又不猛烈。也不会像下雨那般吵杂，除非是棉雨。阴天让我想起一些我想念的朋友，每次遇到阴天我就会有这种感觉，我就是这样，可能我变了，但是有时候我还是很想念感性的我,可能会觉得很傻，但是我却不喜欢感性的我，很烦。

反正事情已经过了，至少现在我学会珍惜和朋友相处的日子，就算我们离别了，也不会感到后悔，因为我们珍惜相处的日子，就算是初相识，我们的感情也算不错。

所以，珍惜身边的人，这是一个关键，因为你学会珍惜，当你与朋友分开时，你不会感到后悔，但是却有几分思念。

This Week

2010-07-06T06:03:00.000-07:00

Finally The Holiday is ahead after my assesment and presentations, everything gone smoothly, although I skip many days to Pesta, but I still manage to finish all my works and do my presentation. Thank God so much
And I get my new laptop, thanks to my father, I don't know how to thank, but thanks la XD, tomoroow onward will be Holiday, thinking what to do during the holiday.
Next week will be my birthday and some of my friends are planning something for me, but honestly I miss my old friends, although they wanna celebrate with me but I can't make it, too bad, maybe it is fate that we can hardly meet each other.
The present is not that important to me, what I want is I can spend time with people that celebrate with me

WEEKEND

2010-06-25T10:06:00.000-07:00

Weekend again, the assesment is coming, and my stuff is still havent finish, after Pesta, I am trying to rush al my works and hand in as soon as possible.
But this time really thank God, He gave me many things that I don't really and don't deserve. Challenges are coming into my life, but I can smile to them, is it the real challenges to me? or I haven't face the huge challenge in my life? I don't know. We never know our future, but what can we do is do our best for our future.
Throughout these 2 weeks, I felt I am getting fresh as coming back from Penang, everything seems okay to me, by the end of this week I can manage to finish some of my works, can clearly see that God has done His work in my life, that's why I love my name so much, Sam, God heard.
Again, I am going into weekend, days that pass very qucikly, I have been through it so many times, so I must use my weekend well, if not I might fail to do my work in 1 week, it is almost impossible for me to finish college works but really have to rely on God
After entering college, I feel myself getting lonely, everyday just going out coming in, going online all the time to kill time and seeing all those 'friends' in facebook doing something and cheat-chatting, feeling the emptiness in my heart that I don't really need friends in my life to help me and guide me in my emotional part, because I can manage it already, but I don't really care bout the emptiness, to me, it is just a nothing, I am not the Sam who was in secondary school, I am now a people, who can survive alone. HOPE SO

BB Pesta

2010-06-17T09:26:00.000-07:00

These days I went to a camp call Boys Brigade Malaysia 19th Pesta. It is hard to describe 5 days stuff in one passage, maybe I will use my facebook photo to represent it on weekend. Time flow very fast, the first day in pesta I already miss home, but now I miss my roommates and my classroom very much.
Throughtout these 5 days, I leant a lot of things, it gave me a lot of motivation from other company that I should serve faithfully in BB no matter what situation I am facing. The moment when my squad leader was away, I have to take care of my team, acctually at first I was a bit chaos in my mind to lead them and to instruct them, because every squad member is different. By Gods grace, throughout the days, they actually didn't disapoint me, they not just relied on leaders, they took care of each other, followed their leaders. I am not a very good leader, but I learnt something from this squad, for what the leader do, the members will follow, but they actually suffered a lot under the sun XD. I hope that this is not the last time I led a squad, because it is really a challenging field for me to lead my company, their attitude are really different, and I can't solve them, feel like I am so useless to be an NCO and also one of the leader upon, I can't scold them because there are leaders above.Don't know why after this pesta some of my members didn's get any motivation and didn't even absorb something from others. When will you guys been awaken?
I enjoyed the time in the dorn with 2nd Manjung Company, they are really good and amazing, friendly and kind. although we knew each other in such a short time, but we really share many things, experiences, badges, BB lives, fun, laughter, sorrow, struggle. We helped each other in the dorn, like helping who was suffering with asma. And I got the heart to care about them, this Pesta to me not just a BB fellowship gathering, it is like a experience to me with other company, it made me not being a passer-by to someone, but being a memorable passer-by to other people, I hope to see them again. I don't hope that they will remember me, but I hope that in their lives, there is 1 man played with them, helped them, sleep with them in the dorn, and laugh with them. See You Guys soon!

Memories

2010-06-03T23:29:00.000-07:00

in facebook, I always see many thing and many photos showing their college life, it annoyed me because everyone who enter college will just post their college life, it is like the college stuff very special. To me, still okay.
In college, we keep on doing our stuff, keep on charging, but when I stop and look back, I discovered that I miss my friends very much, I almost forget the time we play together, paint the class together, study together, argue, laughter, sampat-ing. XD, this memory I can't find it out anymore in the future.
since a long time never share burden to each other, seems like every high school people already disappear from the world, we never communicate anymore except for facebook

Weird Dream

2010-05-14T09:28:00.000-07:00

In my daily life time, I will never be suprised that I dreamed a dream or some dreams that is super duper natural, means that impossible, people always dreamed something weird then feel very suprised and shocked, but I already used to it. Maybe for me this daydreamer and thinker, I got many things to think after I slept.
Yesterday night, I dreamed about a friend, he is younger than me for 1 year, he is a very good guy, no matter attitude, study, leadership. And we manage to talk some 'nonsense' sometimes (guess you know who you are when you see this blog). I told him too this dream. In the dream, i saw he smoking in his class, so I go towards him to advise him, but he doesn't listen to me. The feeling is just like you are advising your close friend but he doesn't bother you. I don't know its that God's calling to me, because this is a very sudden dream, I remembered God told me something through dream before, is this another key?

浪很多

2010-04-25T02:45:00.000-07:00

最近真的很多问题发生，难道就不能让我轻松一秒钟吗？刚刚可以代课教跳舞，偏偏来另外一个节目，你把我拉上山，又踢我下来。你到底要给我机会，还是要让我失望。无论我几次呼求，你的回应，我都听不到。这沉重的负担真的越来越重，刚有了热诚，但是就不能给我做一些我喜欢的事吗？就不能让我尝试一下教课的滋味与经验？你到底要我做什么？......
最近上了学院以后，好朋友渐渐少了，少说话，少联络，少出来玩，甚至说话都在面子书。我渐渐失去好友了，我觉得孤单，虽然上帝一直在呵护我，不过，我真的觉得很孤单。没有人能和我一起并肩作战。到底我要孤独到什么时候。我的朋友都到哪去了。一个星期只见一次面，虽然他一直捉紧机会来跟我聊天，不过我知道，我们的兄弟情就快结束，见面时间越少，我们对彼此越陌生，可能这是注定的。

Outing

2010-04-06T01:57:00.000-07:00

Today I have an outing with Visual Communcation students in college. Our destination are Selangor Builder and KL Tower. When we are heading to first destination, my car is lost because the spoilure of tol make us delay and can't see the other cars.
We just drive around KL, so brave. Call call call, check check, finally we lost until KL central, then we took Taxi to Selangor Builder. The lost take us too much time. well, never lost in jungle, but lost in 'iron jungle', quite irritating.....
there was nice, I took many photos but can't upload to facebook, swt swt + swt.
then we went to KL tower. the building and transport is small like what is written in the textbook. I tried to find my home but too far and too 'jungle' can't see, the top of KL tower is so nice.
After that we balik rumah masing masing, I stay in campus waiting for SLT.....

..

2010-03-31T18:13:00.001-07:00

this is already the 3rd week that I started my college life, but I still think that my work is not good enough, maybe I am a perfectionist, whatever I do, I must do until I am satisfied, but now I realise thta design is easy, but it is hard to me.
Everytime when I saw my result I felt very satisfied because I can do something like this. But the problem is I am still lousy in design and drawing. Lecturer say: it's okay, just 3rd week only, but for me: 3rd weeks already, why I can't see any improvement. My requirement for myself i higher.
Hope that I can get through this, I am really frustated when I saw my lousy work.
At first I thought that I may not good in drawing, but since I joined, I am familiar with it, some maybe I am not expert in, but I can try, but when I can improve, I am not sure and no confident in it

Living in The World

2010-03-24T18:20:00.001-07:00

I am now waiting for 10am class in my College computer lab.
Yesterday receive a letter from National Service department that I have to go for National service.
But the problem is currently I am studying.
My mom started to ask me some nonsense again.
'so how'?
well i don't know what to asnswer, I thought she already has an answer in her mind.
After that I try to call them. But their working hour is over.
Without worrying I just spend my day.
But after sleep, this morning theworriness started to come again(well you know, we worry very much in the morning)
'What if the letter can't be sent, what i they don't approve, what if ..... bla bla bla bla......'
I don't know what to say, sometimes I just don't know what to do.
Living in this world will make myself feel complicated.
And I am now like a people who get bind by a wipe that can't move freely
my mind and my brain is binded. Make me think and feel limited.

4th day

2010-03-17T18:08:00.000-07:00

This is the 4th day since I studied in Alfa College.
Honestly, I am quite happy to study here
But I don't know can I afford the test or not
My marks will based on homework, assignment and project which is a whole new thing to me.
I saw some last semester students stay for this semester just to retake 1 subject in 3 months.
I think if I were like that I beg I am going to waste many money of my parents.
It just like last time I afraid and worry about my result of SPM
but the different is now I can change it, because it still haven't happen yet.
but SPM, I worry after I took, so I won't worry about my now, because I can change it
Wish me a luck..

College Life

2010-03-15T23:35:00.000-07:00

I am now in the college and enjoying the life in it.
1st day come in, then I get a very warm welcoming.
to be short I am fine here. don't worry about me
I will fight for my result, hahahahaXD
(Just started then say result...)

Happy

2010-03-11T07:19:00.000-08:00

I can say I am happy with my result
Although it is not ridiculously good but I am satisfied with it.
At least I tried my best and no fail in my every subject. Thank God so much.
2A, 1B, 4C, 2D, 1E, no fail, but compare to other genius, my result is bad of course.
but the fact is, I didn't give myself a very high expectation, but I try myself very best in exam.
and I expect the worst =.=(somebody will know what am I talking about).
so the result is better than my worst.
compare to other who calculating how many As, I am happier with it.
because I am not paying a high expectation in it.
and the result is much much higher, I was like : O my GOODNESS!!~~~~~~~~~~
so, guys, please don't be sad for it,
because it is just a beginning, if you can't afford it, you are hardly to move on
Stop feeling sad or upset or disappointed(whatever negative feeling), start to think and dream about our future.
I can see the light, how about you

(NOTE: Author's feeling like weather, you can't know his temper tomorrow, so be ware of him, thanks)

Challenges

2010-03-10T07:42:00.000-08:00

since it is 11 more hours to go, I am not tension anymore, but my heart beating strongly until I can't make myself steady.
Since 1 January of this year, many things that so call not good came to me beat by beat, these things settled, another to come, so I make a fortune for myself that tomorrow my result will make me give up of education.
I am not giving myself a low confidence, I have a faith in God that He will bless me in my result, but the problem is, this year that is too much things to be worried of. I haven''t settle this, another jump to me, what I wanna conclude here is, when we 18 years old, we are totally can''t control our lives. The answer will be told tomorrow, but I afraid that I will give up in everything tomorrow, because the result will judge me whether am I further my study? or make me go to hell? I will not say more about result, because tomorrow will be the day.
For now, I have lost my interest in study, or I said passion, I have no passion in it, so it will be my reconsideration to further my study or not. If i can''t find back my interest, maybe I am not going to study in my entire life, to be a useless man in the future. I felt like I am living in darkness, everything is so dark, so terrible. I don''t know how to explain it.

3月八日

2010-03-08T05:06:00.000-08:00

距离成绩放榜的日子还有3天吧,总觉得当天是失败和伤心的一天。
在别人的眼中，看似一个可造之才，但当看镜子时，里面却是一个自卑又没用的窝囊废。
别人再多给鼓励，再怎么看好我，我还是觉得这一场仗会失败。
可能我坚信我比别人了解我自己，但其实，别人会更了解我。
现在我的脑没有一天是空白的，一直想着我的成绩。
和我朋友相反，他们不担心，到那天才担心。而我，每天日日夜夜都想着，犹豫着。
虽然有很多应许，但是心中的不安总不能磨灭掉。
我这个人的自信越来越若，什么时候才能建立？
他们说我心烦，是因为我没有自信。
看来他们说得一点都没错，即使我知道我在试卷上写得多好，我的心也一直告诉我，我会输掉这场仗。
一直有很强的感觉。不知几时，我才能安宁。
放假时，头脑一直忧虑，根本不能为升学作准备。

2010-03-04T06:57:00.000-08:00

成绩放榜的日子一天一天逼近，现在的我真得很怕，我很怕，我的国语会不及格。自己的信心真得很不多，所谓信心是自己给自己的，有时真的没错。无论别人怎么说，我还是觉得自己这一次死定了。
很多时候，我一直有一种很强烈的感觉，感觉到我这一次的成绩会一落千丈。就算有很多人这么说：一定会比预考好，甚至上帝在梦里也告诉我我可以及格，我的心还是忐忑不安。千几百次叫自己不要再想了，可是脑筋就不为我控制，快疯掉了。
这也许是我考SPM之后，写的华语作文，老实说，我的华语也不必国文好，我承认华语真的难道连我都不会写。马马虎虎，反而国语的试卷比他还好些。我曾经跟上帝许下诺言，说如果我这一次的马来文能几个附上3个C以上，上了学院，我会努力的读书，但是，现在的我，还在担心，脑啊脑！你要怎样，让我控制你好不好，不要再想了，长辈都说我能，就能咯！我还担心什么？
最近发了两个梦，觉得跟上帝有关。今天我在车上，赶着去上舞蹈课时，才领悟到大浪梦中的含义，浪一次又一次的涌过来，意思是说，我的生命会一直有层出不穷的困难一直涌过来。而大浪靠过来我没事，意思是说，上帝会保护我不受困难给弄死，大概就是这个意思。
前两天发了一个梦，梦里说，我写了封信给上帝。上帝回信咯！他说，‘你的国语会及格，这一次几个的分数是30分。’当时在梦里的我很安心。但回到现实。不过有个姐妹告诉我，这是上帝的信念。圣经的人物也有这样的经验。可是我还是那个样。
最近觉得自己的才艺已经被剥夺了，做什么都不好。很少在别人的嘴里听见：很好！，做得好！。只听得到：还好啦，加油啦，就这样。我已经开始厌倦了。
最后只觉得自己越来越没用，有幅这么难看的脸，又有这么没用的人格，不知道在这世界还能撑多久。

浪

2010-03-01T09:40:00.000-08:00

世界真是无奇不有，我说出去可能比人会数落我，不过千真万确。
故事是很简单的，相信大家都知道海啸袭击一些国家。
在海啸发生的时候，我就和健耀就在一个姐妹家度过一消。
当晚我在厄梦里见到好几个大浪一直陆陆续续的涌过来。
但是大浪来到，却向我查身而过，我完全没事。
但是大浪还是向我冲来，那时候的我只站在那里，不过像第一次一样，没事。
很快的，梦境消失，变回沉睡的我。
我一觉醒来，什么都忘了，只是最近才记得。
难道神给我一些致意？
我不觉得我的梦与海啸无关。
这么特别的经历，我还是头一次遭。

Nonsence Struggling

2010-02-26T09:48:00.000-08:00

These days I face a lot of worriness again that i can't make me focus on what am I doing currently.
I still worry about my result although I tried my best
No matter how much I surrender to God, I still can't put down this
Is this worriness is carrying me until I go into college?
Although everything is okay, but I don't know what happen to my brain
It keeps on thinking about this thing
I wanna shout stop it but I can't, I can't control my mind anymore.

Life could be easy, but why...?

2010-02-25T07:40:00.000-08:00

After several times of struggling and considering about XXX and college, I found out that actually we received a lot of difficulty from others
Why I say so? well, because XXX is not a useful program for me, it gave us enjoyment inside but the result is nothing, obviously. The objective of XXX can't be seen. Life really can be easier, just because of humans always make it complicated. And now, they complicate me very very badly. I can fly like a bird, but sometimes I live in this world, everything is walking with rules and regulation. I don't sure that I can survive in this world, but I am very sure that actually I am having bitterness, a bitterness that can't make me grow but make me sad, a bitterness can't make me laugh after this but cry for this.
I hope to see miracle, although something solved, but another things will come after solving, humans have a lot of problems to solved is because of they themselves made the problems, so human made problems, human suffer for it. It is a cycle, just it is different character and different view.
Now that I know my family is concerning about my college life, my brother tried his best to register for me and get those information for me. My mother worried about how I go to college and also solve the problem with me. My brother pursues my father to pay. LOLX XD
But what use? XXX always is my big gap of studying and my future, I can enjoy in it, so what? I am good in my life now, why I need another entertainment. I can do my favorite stuff in this time, I am going to participate a Dancing Competition. But, because of you, I have to worry, and can't pay a single focus on it. Because of you...
Life is easy, why we have to complicate it? I don't know, because the world is evil? so we have to make rules?

New Year

2010-02-17T07:18:00.000-08:00

This new year I have no free day, everyday I have to go out or wait people to come out. Better than stay in house, finally I have non-holiday holiday.
1st day, waiting for people to come, then go people's house
2nd day, waiting for relatives to come back and waiting for Lion Dance.
3rd day, go to sing Karaoke and then go for my grandma's house.
4th day, go for visitation with my ex-classmates
5th day, get invited from Kah Wai and then go for a talk
6th day, practice for church performance
7th day, go for visitation with BB members and rehearsal
8th day, perfomance
ETC ETC
wow, so many program!!!!!

MASK

2010-02-07T08:50:00.000-08:00

As I joined Valentine Service yesterday, I get a rough idea.
Why don't we BB organise a Halloween Parade, everyone can dress their weird dress and involve into this meeting, so that it can attract more people to come.
Imagine you are in Malaysia, the country which is not celebrating Halloween,
but suddenly your friend invite you to dress like a ghost, fair, monster, witch or even movie character to a party, will you join?
I beg must be very interesting event.
Why will I get this idea?
well, when I inviting my friends to Valentine Services, they are excited and go everywhere to find a mask and dress their best, because this is new to them. If we use this concept in Halloween,
there must be many people present in that event.
Imagine.
Phantom of the Opera is doing chairing.
The vampire is leading us to sing songs
and a band of vampires and zombies is playing drums, guitar, bass and keyboard. then a drama to present what is Halloween.
The interactive of audience and chairperson.
Maybe we can see Men In Black that day, wahahahaha.
I am going to submit this idea to leaders, try to apply it in October. So far the dreams...
Friends, How would you think?

SIGH

2010-02-06T06:59:00.000-08:00

Now it's my time to spread out my voice, as the holiday that I spend is going to be shorten, I always worry about my result will not be good enough for me to go into college. Many people said that I am lacking of confident, but why I can't feel that, I really think that I am not that good enough to get a 3 credits result instead of no confident.
I try not to worry, but I can't do that, when people ask me am I studying college, I have a worriness in my heart that 'Am I really studying next? or I will be working because my result is too bad.' Sometimes compare me myself to my friends future, I am very sad that I afraid that I will not be like them can study college and continue their college life.
I think I am really fed up, I don't know what happen, I always think that I can't do it, I can't do it, even many people comfort me, but I am still worry and my mind telling me I can't. People can study at future firmly, but I am still shaky, can I really do that? keep asking myself is not solving any problem, but what can help me to release my knots.
I am too worried until I can't focus on something that I like. Since now, to me, dream is just a dream, when u imagine, it just can in your mind. from kindergarten until now, I didn't really plan for myself, what school am I going to in, which class am I going to in. SO what I plan now, I don't have confident that it is going to achieve, because, what I planned, I can't achieve, what I achieve, not what I planned. So I think this is also. aybe after result come out, I will give up for college and start to work, to continue my path, even how best I try in my exam, I have no confident in it anymore....

Dream?

2010-02-03T09:05:00.001-08:00

It's been a long long day since I have a topic to update my blog, I am suffering in emotional breakdown lately, even though my facial expression not really like it, but actually I myself suffer a lot.
Even how many times I told myself don't think about things like that but the brain keep telling me I can't achieve. Yes, even I told myself how many times I can man!!, but fear keep filling my brain. Now I am full of fear that my dream can't be achieve.
I wish to study to get a diploma level just like my brother did. But can I do that in my future, that is many many many stronghold in front of me which I try to avoid. My friends tell me I can do it, don't worry, but what can I do?
I wish to be a photographer, photo editor and even a video editor. To edit the photo that shoot, then post it into a website and design it, to promote my future company. I also have a dream that I want to apply my imagination into animation and make it appear in front of my eyes and not just in my brain.
When I say I can, I can. but is this real? who can give me a real answer?...

Long time ago

2010-01-28T07:53:00.000-08:00

It's been 2 years time, but I still remember, but this time I am not so heart anymore, but since now I will draw a line with them, not to be too friend with them, and even don't communicate.
My teacher said that a crew will not last forever, one day they will betray you. Yes, they already betray me, not very long we come together. But I can do nothing, what can I do is just cry. Until now I felt myself is so useless, I just know how to worry but don't know how to do my very best.
As I said draw a line, maybe I will now very careful about the partnership even though are very good friend, I felt like I can't trust anyone even myself, I won't be very deep relationship with anybody, because, the terrible things is inside human, that is human's heart.....
A friend can suddenly kill you at your back, so since my secondary life I am not trusting a people too deeply, and yes, my thought really told me the fact.
When I thik back I don;t feel any sad, because now they are not successful much.(not because of without me)

what?

2010-01-26T08:51:00.000-08:00

These days are just simple, without any new stuff to come into my life
Now I just concern about my college, I attended many workshops these days
But still have some consideration.
Except for considering Multimedia, I am now having church serving.
Serving can let me forget and fill in my blanking time.
Choreograph for church dancing and directing church drama in Chinese New Year
Oh yes, Chinese New Year is coming, and I most enjoy the reunion of family.
but it will be very tiring for me
what Am I writting actually, well, at least updated my stuff to people =)

3 days for workshop

2010-01-15T07:55:00.000-08:00

Workshop, meeting new friends,YES, this is what I did in these 3 days, I met some crazy friends in IACT College Workshop, and it is fun, I got more opportunity to present in front of people, wow, it is very nice you know. I am a person that from shy to love and long to present in front of people
And guess what? Everyone remember very well, Don't know, maybe my name is easy to be remembered. Wow, good beginning, this workshop make me recognise that I have change a lot ya.
Next workshop will be going to Alfa, after these workshops and college visitation, I am going to focus on CNY sketch. But I feel weird, why Saito didn't call me ya???

DXown

2010-01-10T06:21:00.000-08:00

My heart is like a rainy day, what is my feeling when it is raining?
Just very down because I am very dangerous in choosing course
And I am afraid that my national language will make me can't experience my college life
I can't hate, I can't be happy, well.... I should happy that my brother ex-college got this so call as 'special' system
So maybe my final decision will be Alfa
but 42k, if this course is not mine? then my family's money will be wasted.....

The Road Not Taken

2010-01-09T08:25:00.000-08:00

This situation is like the poem 'The Road Not Taken'
Am I going to NS? Or straight to college after that?
I am still choosing the road that I wanna walk.
Many people suggest me to go for NS 1st
Personally I wish to study first
1. don't miss the time for study
2. maybe is going to rent a house with my friend, so don't let the friend wait, but I am waiting him
But, it is not about my personal
It is about my future
Think twice, maybe NS can make me know myself more
since now I don;t have a passion to study
why don't I go for NS 1st, then come back
maybe I can find myself, know more about myself in it
After come back, maybe I can study well
I need more suggestion
In this holiday, I don't want just a job
I want a really long holiday to really make me rest
To know me more
I wish that I can travel
Travel oversea, at least 3 countries
to see outside, to see myself
To travel alone, this is my wish and hope in this holiday
But I can't do that, I still have many things on my hands
I just want to speak sorry to myself that I can't succeed my dream
My dream is just a empty matter

I gonna cheer myself up, my future is all on my hands now

A Day

2010-01-04T10:24:00.000-08:00

Today I went to UCSI to do a test for my future course, the test actually accurate and set me a clearer and firmer decision that I am going to IT Multimedia Designer way
And then not only that but I search for some advices, I am going to do research more, hope that I can make my future more..... good?
Now I have clearer vision about my future, hope that my future vision will be clearer. Now I have my goal, it's time for me to search for college
UCSI already out from my brain, because it is too expensive, come on 56k, kill me a? Then I consider Saito lo! Multimedia Design, wow!! it fulfill all my requirement, 3D design, Multimedia, but have to see what course inside la. Then UTAR, cheap, IT campus in PJ, opposite of IACT, Jian Yew's dream college. Decision will be made after KLCC educational fair.
Tomorrow go watch AVATAR 3D with Jian Yew, now go sleep

Year End, Year Begin

2010-01-01T07:03:00.000-08:00

'5,4,3,2,1!! Happy New Year!!!' This seems to be very normal to all of us every year end, I enjoyed this before, but not for long. since last year countdown I am not counting down with my friends but my family
This can be the coolest(coldest) year end countdown for me, we just go to KLCC and wait for the firework, well, take video, photo, feel very lame. then go back home, hang around, don't let myself to sleep until 2 30am.
I am tiring of finding work and all those things are coming in 2010, Just wanna shout, Give me a BREAK!!!!! I don't want to think about the College, National Service, Part time Job etc etc, What am I doing here? some of my friends begin to go for NS, study, working, me? I am sitting here, ERRRRRR!!!!!

伤心又不想哭

2009-12-27T08:49:00.000-08:00

战战兢兢了几天，终于有了答案，总觉得答案早就在我心里面，只是要等你的回答。谢谢你选择这么快答我。出乎我的意料，你自动跟我说，证明了你还有我这个死党。
知道你离开，我很开心，也很伤感，因为以后见面的机会少了，一起拍着上的时间没了。不过我觉得这条路对你对大家都好。谢谢你这么久以来一直当我是排党。
现在的心情真的很乱，我想哭但是又不想哭。我只能在你面前撒谎说我很开心你能进入临外一个适合你自己的领域，也是我本来想你进入的领域。其实我很希望你留下，但我不能那么自私，劝你留下来。你在那里要加油！

The Heaviness

2009-12-26T05:34:00.000-08:00

Tonight I feel my heart is heavy, maybe because of I am going to separate with my friend, although it is still a don't know, but I have the heaviness in my heart that it will really happen
The decision is already made but haven't been told by us, I am struggling, and starting to be sad, so I used blog as a way to spread out my feeling. The result already came out, I am waiting for the announcement, I don't have much hope, I don't expect he will stay with us, but I also don't wish him to leave us......
I wanna cry but I can't, Don't know why, hope that I can know the answer as soon as possible.....

Challenging Days

2009-12-23T07:54:00.000-08:00

Yesterday when I was inviting people to come for church for Christmas service, and I suddenly saw a name in MSN, I saw a name call 'Single Life so good', Immediately I know is Jun Yew and click his name, we chat along, along and along. suddenly a sentence pop-up 'hey, I want go jusco find job, we find together la.'
I am so happy that he knows to find me as his partner to search for a part time job, of cause I promise and said okay, come on, you can't disappoint your friends + you have to find a job for yourself rather than stay at home. We hope top find a job in same place and same career, but still no idea.
My mom suggests me to find a Job in McDonald. wait~~~, MCD, are you kidding? come on, MCD everywhere, why you go jusco? then Jun Yew pops-up a sentence, Jusco many opportunity to find jobs, yup it is true, when you go shopping in Jusco, you can see many notice.
But part time wo!! dai lou!!! Green Box also not bad, never mind, Jun Yew and I will search for it in a day.
But another problem comes out, next year is the busiest time for me in church, what's wrong? yea, I afraid that I can't afford these on my hands, Am I going to search for a Job really that not affecting my serving time and also dancing time? I keep asking myself this question many times, now I feel how chatter am I, well, this is me.
But, why don't I give up my career or part time job or whatever you call. The reason I gave to myself is, I don't want to lose a opportunity to work and fellowship with my friend, and + I can share Christ with him, it is really a very rare opportunity that I can partner with him.
After I have no idea, I can just uphold all this to God lo, pray and hope God can do another Miracle for me!! AMEN

Untittled

2009-12-20T07:18:00.000-08:00

Just back from Fraser's Hill, well, I like the weather in it, well, this time camping is kinda tough especially when sleeping in the camp is just like sleeping in a hell with no fire but water, our tent is full of water because the water molecule in air condense because of the weather is too cold.
SKIP SKIP SKIP
This time Christmas I am very glad that people that I am not planning to invite, they actually willing to join and hope to bring whole gang to my church celebrate Jesus' Birthday and let them know about the details and accept Jesus as well.
So actually these 2 days I am very busy i inviting, but I am happy because I am really doing good things and God's work, no matter how tired and how pissful is it, I will be happy for the result.

感谢，因为离别.....

2009-12-06T06:57:00.000-08:00

有时，我觉得离别并不是一件坏事。试想想，如果我们每天都见面，就少了一分珍惜，可能忽略了身边的人，事，物。知道眼前的一切将成为过去，这让我们更加渴望地聚集在一起。
如果不毕业，我们会珍惜我们的朋友吗？如果不离别，我们会更渴望见面的机会吗？以前的我，只想不怎么去学校，反正每天都见面，都腻了！但是即将毕业了，现在的我，真得很想再去多学校几次，越多越好，因为我知道，在我身边的同学，朋友，即将和我们分离。
所以，我们应该感谢，因为我们离别，因为离别，我们跟加珍惜彼此的存在。离别后的我们，当再见面的时候，不再是对着彼此微笑，而是开心地泣笑。也因为离别，让我们在我们的人生的史书上写下了属于自己的故事。无论是甜的，酸的，苦的，辣的，我们都走过，我们一起走过.......

Friends, Don't Forget To Remember Me....

一部戏+一部电影+我个人意见

2009-12-04T07:42:00.000-08:00

昨天是连续剧《与敌同行》的结局篇，这部戏让我想起一部电影。可能很少人猜得出来，那部电影就是《Orphan》，两部戏都有很大的共同点，这个共同点也是使这两部戏里面的人物都受尽苦头。没错，《与敌同行》和《Orphan》里面的两个家庭都同样的收留了一个魔鬼回家.
当我渐渐地看了这部连续剧之后，我就不想再看下去，因为实在是太恐怖了，当我看着主角（郭晋安）的眼神，我简直是不想再看下去。这种感觉就好像看到魔鬼在身边一样。自从收养了这两个孤儿以后，这两个家庭的人，死的死，伤的伤，简直就不是一个人的作为，比较向他们的脑袋出了问题。当我看那部戏的时候，我会很情不自禁的去问他们，为什么他威胁你，你不会跟他斗嘴？如果是我，他用那种眼神瞪我，我会跟他斗凶，斗奸，反正都已经得罪你了，就不怕再跟你斗下去，看谁死先咯！
戏如人生，很可能这世界上有这种人，可能在我们身边。所以有时候应该堤防，不过我的生活没那么戏剧化。我只觉得这部戏真得很邪，看了都不爽。

Graduation + best class I ever join

2009-11-14T06:40:00.000-08:00

Yesterday is the day that symbolizing or representing our graduation from high school, everyone is so excited, after come to school, I saw many smiling faces
We are almost the last to attend the ceremony, it is so bored to see all the awards are giving off , but of cause all of us will have a chance and pleasure to receive our certificates on the stage, after we 5F receive the certificates, we took a photo quickly

after the ceremony, we follow our culture to take photo everywhere(not everywhere,for more photo please refer to facebook, thank you)

Lastly:
Well, it is coming to the end of the year and also end of our high school life, after this we have to separate and run to our dreams, but friend, please remember, remember to turn yur face back to this most precious time that we go through, still remember that time we sing birthday song to our teacher and friends? still remember we paint our class? all these memories we can't go back again and we are difficult to meet it in the future, I very appreciate your presence in these 2 years, this class is the best class I joined ever, our unity will last forever.
We maybe not meet again in the future, but I am going to miss u guys very much, because I know I will never see this again. Friends, sorry that what have I done that offending you; thank you that what have you done for me and for us; Farewell for we will not meet again next time. Maybe we will see each other, in the restaurant? in school after 50 years? or wherever we plan to go?
I will remember this unforgettable memories, this unforgettable unity and this unforgettable class, because of you, I'm impressed; because of you, I'm changed; and because of you, everything is not the same anymore.
To every 5F and m precious friends,
Farewell and take good care, we will meet again when we believe

又来了

2009-10-30T02:56:00.000-07:00

这几天，我断断续续都没去学校，身上的懒根长出来了。就在家里，睡迟一点吧！由于没东西做，看戏，玩电脑是难免的。就是不想碰书，昨天的我跳舞跳了整身汗，把一些不舒服的事情全忘掉，尽情抒发出来！
在班上，不知怎么008她又回来了，我不知道我有什么话是不对的，只要从我口中出来，她就顶我。很辛苦咯！我和每个人说话都是一样的啊！她说我是不是要跟她吵架。嗨~~我没力跟她吵，也不想跟她解释这么多，反正她的左耳跟右耳就像前门和后门，一个出一个进。
总而言之，我不会跟任何人吵架，如果有一天我真的发很大脾气，我会不跟任何人说任何话。

No Mood at all

2009-10-27T08:13:00.000-07:00

Today when I woke up from the bed,
Oh man, feel like the body can't follow my command.
And today everything is not under control,
today not really my day,
In school no lesson, so what can I do?
so tomorrow I am not going to school, lame....
Everything is not alright today....

Morning, Afternoon, Evening, Night

2009-10-25T07:54:00.000-07:00

It is a very challenging time to live in this world, you have to overcome your emotions many times, especially when I was in the afternoon, the atmosphere of afternoon is like a very sad time, maybe because of separation, normally school day or in Sunday Service, we will leave the church and school in afternoon, so my emotion would be down when I was going through afternoon time.
When I was in Sunday Service praising God, my mind will keep reflecting the inconvenience of the world, this make me can't see Lord at all, church is like a place that can cover me, make me safe, sometimes I would like to choose to stay in church rather than go home, but when I saw all my friends went home, I can't stay anymore, because of loneliness
If somebody ask me, what time you most dislike in a day? I will said around 3pm to 5pm, this time make me feel very emotional, I don't know why. You see: Morning, the the sun rise up, feel so refresh; Noon, the sun at top of you, sound so nice; Afternoon, lunch time, the sun still warm and lovely; Night, Moon and stars, and the night scenery are good and nice. But evening, what can I expect, emotional break-down? Yes, this time the sun is going down, and near the night time, in between day time and night time, like the world stuck between good and evil. I don't know why I don't like it, everyday go through this time especially on Sunday, my emotion quite down from other times.Sigh....
In this week, I learned something very precious, actually everyone will have a desire to share something they want to share no matter who they share to. Why I say so? I have a classmate, who was not very good friend with me, our relationship is just so so. But when school end, we walk together to school bus station, he actually talk alot something in him to me, although to him, it is not very important, but it make me have a desire to care everyone around me, I reallyhope to help someone who is conflict, emotional bondage, sadness around me. I experienced many of these people, I also thank them for talking to me, I am very happy to be a listener, no matter good friends or enemies.
Some people choose to speak to anyone who i beside him/her, some people will keep it in heart, and write it all on the blog, facebook, msn. Their purpose is actually to release their bondage in their heart, to Break Free, let their problems and stress released to the web, and let all those around them to carry it with them. I am also 1 of them, how about you?
So let us be a good listeners for our friends around us, we won't know what will happen tomorrow, but before everything is too late, we must do something, maybe tomorrow he/she is not your friend anymore, and you regret that you didn't care him much.

Untitled II

2009-10-24T08:12:00.000-07:00

This morning water baptism ceremony was cancel due to the changing of the security system of Pastor's Taman, well, without choice. Me , Jian Yew and Kian Kok go to have breakfast, and chat there, because want to wait for Yen Mei
In the restaurant, we chat a lot of things, I felt that the way that I talk to them already not the same like the past, maybe because too long I didn't chat with them, exam exam exam. Exams make us like that, no choice, we live in here, we have to follow the law in this land.
After that come back home, then wait for the lunch time, the whole day I was staying in house, doing revision, playing computer, the post of facebook from afternoon until now still remain unchange, make me bored, make me wanna beg my friends to play more facebook, let me see what are they doing, so that we can keep in touch although not in school or meeting. Next time after graduate, we have to continue to keep in touch in this way.
at 6.30pm I go for a dinner in a Hindu family house, Open House. Their hosting make me uncomfortable, or I said, they are willing to serve us, but I myself used to be self-service, this make me really not good, hope they will forgive me, after I sitting down, then I remember their ritual is to serve their guest, erm.... Okay... not bad
These days I don't have much reflections of life, so I didn't blog much, it seems to be quite cliche to me, like a homework, sometimes I don't like to share something in my mind onto my blog, because I don't want everybody know my stuff, not very good to me, LOLX!!!

Untitled

2009-10-23T01:37:00.000-07:00

These 3 days I am quite happy, last 2 days was You Xian And Ping Zheng Birthday, so we already plan a surprise party for them. But You Xian already knew this before everything happy, his eyes and face told me everything. So we sang birthday song, did whatever that do in birthday celebration. Puan Lew also joined us, and that day, all the photos are actually quite impress and encouraging.
2ndly, my Hip Hop dance level already reach to Advance!!!!! wooohooo!!!!!!!! 3 years I have been learning, and finally my hard work gave me a very good and satisfied result. Yesterday in my class, My teacher asked us, when will us appear on Astro Battleground stage, I am shocked and also happy, that actually our level and skills are increase. And my teacher also said that she will give us extra things more than others, not because of partial, is because of our level and learning ability is higher, that time I am impressed by her words.
I hope that I will meet a suitable crew for me outside, that we can do performance and competition together, training together, and also I can learn more from them. Past experience make lost faith in my old crew, or I said we were never a crew, because they don't treat me as member. Well, it is time to stop thinking of the sad past and face many things that coming to my life

The Memory I can't forget

2009-10-14T03:37:00.000-07:00

Today I am speaking something perceptual. Early in the morning when I woke up, I suddenly thank about you. Few months ago I decided to forget you, but now I realize that I can't. I can't say you have changed me a lot, but your presence in my life and time make me feel joyful.
I still remember last 2 years when we were Form 3, we same class as 3F, the first time I saw you, I don't think your appearance is attractive enough for me. We didn't have a single conversation or sentence until the first time I spoke with you when I sat beside you, I still remember I ask you about the Audio and Lighting Society......
After several month, Creative Motion Club is pioneered, and I was invited to attend the membership meeting. And I actually shocked to see you, same as you, you were shocked when you saw me. That time, we started to be good friends, common interest always make us stick together. And one time we sat together to gossip about a girl in CMC, lolx!!!
It is like a dream, it's like it never happen in my life, that day when you ask me why I will like you, I still can't imagine what happen that day. To be honest, that day I thought that your 'like' is friendship, but actually you asking about why I love you. Type till here I felt not so well, I know it is impossible for us be together.
I am so thankful that we have many common interest, we like singing, dancing, acting, doing mathematics together, gossiping....
Even people saying bad about you, I will cover it, what's wrong with me?
The time for us to stay in school not too long, I just hope that I can see you more and know you are well, That I would be happy. And after graduating, I hope you will continue with the things you like to do.

FINALLY!!!!!!

2009-10-12T07:17:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I discussed something with my master(drum master). finally I settled everything in one day, so tired. but still can't sleep.
Talk about today, I just go to Leisure Mall, and my cousins and Aunt also go Leisure Mall, so we joined together. Then we go to Wong Kok Restaurant, we ate , although it is big dish and less of food, but it made us very full. Later because of my brother and cousin's birthday, so we ordered a big3 cup of ice tea. it make us nearly die, lolx
later we go for shopping, buy this buy that, we buy everything we like, haha!!

Another Day II

2009-10-08T07:57:00.001-07:00

Well, today is my 2nd day for my driving lesson, everything is smooth, At least no accident along the way, and I was starting to drive and hold the car by myself without the help of my teacher.
I heard that my brother will go to Australia next year, I don't have a lot of feeling, just erm.... okay, good, he is going huh!? so it is good for him to stay there. Good seasons, weather, 5 o' clock the sky will turn to dark, not much vehicles too, I am sure after he come back, he can't use to live in Malaysia anymore, just my opinion......

Yesterday and Today

2009-10-07T08:29:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Nicole's Birthday, well, also holiday, so what were we waiting for? of cause go for Karaoke. (SKIP)
When they plan to watch movie, I felt a little creepy...... since last time Jian Yew's birthday + 'Orphan' case, going in cinema really challenge me a lot, especially + Horror film, well yea, the movie is kinda comedy, but it is not funny at all, it call '吓到笑’，but It can't 吓到我笑， it actually 吓到我siao~~. Although it is a U, but actually also quite Horrible , Terrible and Vegetable. Even the toilet is terrible enough for me.
Okay, I will skip the sad part, I prefer and enjoy singing in the room, especially when I was singing 'Through The Rain' by Mariah Carey, When reach the high note, my whole body quite high and enjoy in it a lot, i also felt sorry for those who are not singing that they have to suffer for my terrible voice, haha, especially when in high key. Maybe should do some practice before going in. When singing 'Hero' alone, Weng Han go to get Lisa, A Mok and Nicole got drinks, then Hsin Yang told me 'aiyo, Weng Han go get Lisa, will let her discover?' then jiu~~~~, she gone out =.=
then I have to stay inside and sing alone, NEXT TIME PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE IN THE ROOM, ESPECIALLY I AM SINGING, NO MOOD LIAO LO =.=
So my conclusion time, next time if birthday celebration, no movie for me, just something I like, I won't give face anymore, unless the movie is my favor.

Another Day

2009-10-05T07:55:00.001-07:00

What will you do if the exam is around the corner and you are now in holiday? For me, I will be hanging out with my friends, but my father seems to be more care for my study then my mom, well, yea, when he asked me when is my exam right after I told him about tomorrow Karaoke stuff, actually this spoiled my mood, I started to feel bad.Yea, even when I go to have fun, I can't be 100% in, because of this, and another thing is my friend's grandma just passed away, I can't be happy and enjoy in it.

Changed?

2009-10-03T08:32:00.000-07:00

So how's your Mooncake Festival? well, I am good, BBQ, this is what I respond to my friends these few days. So must be a happy and great day, but to me, this party let me confirm that I already changed.
Changed? stop kidding? you will change huh? you will...... well, even me myself will tease myself. honestly, ya, I really changed, emotionally, mentally. finally I can control my temper well, but stll not 100%. and more lovable. and even can communicate with kids, what's wrong with me?
Well, isn't it good? I ask myself, questions keep on coming to my brain these days, ya, it is good, but I started to miss the old me. Miss? try to think back what have I done last time when I am hot-temper, I can't imagine that again
Actually I am a person who don't like changing, lifestyle, friends(meet new friends), it seems like a challenge to me. But today I recognize, I am totally changed, what happen to me? I know what the kid want and take care of him; I helped my mom to pack up many things, probably I hate packing up, but this time I am willing; I work with my father!!!? well, you know, I don't like to do housework, especially with my father, he always scold us when we doing, but this time he was not when I was doing housework with him, maybe I did better than last time.
I used to be more blameless and calm compare to last time, Instead of scolding after get offended, I will smile to face, always tell myself, Smile can make things get better.
I don't like changing, but I will like my new self.

A Nervous Birthday

2009-09-30T04:07:00.000-07:00

Since I promise them to post this on blog and I saw their blog started coming out with today story, let's us tart with this.
This morning, after I woke up, I felt not very well, the temperature of shower didn't make me feel good, no matter hot or cold. Let's jump to school, well, not very special, we just argue what time will us going out, since the discipline teacher already mentioned our name, this make me feel more afraid, is it okay for us to go out so early?
After E.S.T paper,I went to 5H class to look over to main door, I saw Puan Gwee went to main door to 'wait' for our presence, that is why I am afraid of, come on, is that so important to stay us here? the school won't quake because of our absence, discipline is the only reason or i said excuse for them to stay us in school, since our English paper haven't finish marking, why we stay?
(Story continue, just refer to Weng Han's and You Xian's blogs, it will continue the story after this, and my story will skip to Pizza Hut.)
Okay, finally, We were in Pizza Hut, well, in my heart I am still a little afraid and also unpeaceful. After we order, and start with a piece of pizza, Hsin Yang said "Leave KFC, Police is going to catch", this make me lose my flavor, I have no mood to eat anymore, I was hungry that time, but already full because of fearfulness. Our fear surrounded us at least 1 hour, I keep look ahead to outside, see that is there any teacher or police was passing-by or not. Luckily and thank God, it is peace all the way. And I keep on console myself and also other "It is just a normal skipping school, it is unnecessary to have police, don;t be afraid." but I can't calm myself down until 1 o'clock.
There were a group of 12 people celebrating birthday, I was regret to reject them to sing birthday song together, later I plan to sing with them together, but my friend's all , don't know, erm......., and even silent, this make me feel very disappointed, their consider make us delay, at the end, together turned into competition, we fight for our VOICE!!!!!!!!! Haizzzz, but they are still friend;y to play with us, like putting cream onto Hsin Yang face when we taking photo and also leave the pancake for us when they leaving. LOLX!!!!
Lastly, when I was in the bus, I saw Lisa , Xin Lu and Swee Mei, I get info from them. Lisa said that the teacher(or police, can't remember), they actuall go to Kajang town K.F.C to catch all those afcer(Away From School + er), okay, luckily not the K.F.C beside us, and also luckily we change our location to ths Pizza Hut rather than that Pizza Hut. But I don't know what will happen after that
At the end, I want to thank Melissa for the news(bad news, and also cantonese said'Lao Liu'), well, it is quite serious that you said 'get out from Kajang' well, I don't know want to thank you or......, but it's okay, time already passed, we may go back to school to wait for our judgement.....
Today I really learned something we learned in literature, that is plot and storyline, we have climax, and even 2 to 3 climax, the graph is like 3 negative Quadratic Graph, keep on going up up up. I will never forget this day. lolx!

Happy Day

2009-09-27T07:02:00.000-07:00

Today my mood seems like very down, Oh come on, what happen to me? but I have overcame it , thank God. by the way, finally, I present my idea out(shortly present, still have powerpoint and soft-copy to come out), this idea came out 2 weeks, on Sunday and in the bus, around 4pm, that time I was so excited and can't wait to present it out, woooohoooo!!!!!!!!!!!! Finally everybody say good to my idea, Thanks!!
Wen Han birthday I seem like nothing to show, well, because of lacking out of ink, I will just show the gift here, this is not just for him, but for 8 of us

TADA!!!!! colorless???!!! =.= nice ?

Welcome you to full 17 years old family, next time if you have conflict or something else you can share with us, please don;t try to hide, and smile =)
Today I also realize that actually my life changes, also because of your presence(1 of the reason), eh? don't misunderstand, this thing I will talk to you personally, other please to 8gua, but if you are 8 of us, you can come to me, I can tell you if you can understand what am I talking about, haha

God Bless =)

Holiday

2009-09-26T00:31:00.000-07:00

Time passed very fast, and trial is heading to us again, but i am not afraid because SPM is after this, this week I don't have much stuff to do, just stay at home, listen to song, nothing much else to do.
I discover that the world lack of something important, it seems like I am too sensitive about what people feel, maybe they just say say, but whatever, this is my conclusion. What the world lack of is Love, due to what the title 'who can love me' (sorry for quoting) and some name that is seems very very very sad. Well, maybe some of us never fall in a relationship before or break up from a relationship, that make us very sad, but does this very important, yes, Love is important , we can't survive without it, but don't spiritually die because of it.
I felt upset when I saw my friends all conflict about relationship stuff, but don;t forget, except them, you still have your family that love you , and your friends. don't neglect them due to relationship problems or lacking of love, if you ask me who can love you, I will say your friends and family members and many people else.
God Bless :)

Just Stand Up

2009-09-21T02:30:00.001-07:00

This Song is dedicated to those who get cancer from this list of artist:
Mariah Carey
Beyoncé Knowles
Keyshia Cole
Mary J. Blige
Rihanna
Carrie Underwood
Fergie
Sheryl Crow
Melissa Etheridge
Leona Lewis
Natasha Bedingfield
Miley Cyrus
LeAnn Rimes
Ashanti
Ciara
All:
Everything will be alright, yeah

Beyoncé:
The heart is stronger Than you think
It's like it can go Through anything
And even when you think
It can't it finds a way
To still push on Though

Carrie Underwood:
Sometimes You want to run away
Ain't got the patience For the pain
And if you Don't believe it
Look into Your heart
The beat goes on

Rihanna:
I'm tellin' you

Rihanna/Miley Cyrus:
Things get better
Through
Whatever
If you fall Dust it off
Don't let up

Sheryl Crow :
Don't you know You can go
Be your own miracle

Beyoncé:
You need to know

Chorus (All):
If the mind Keeps thinking
You've had enough
But the heart Keeps telling you
Don't give up
Who are we to be
Questioning Wondering what is what
Don't give up
Through it all
Just stand up

Fergie:
It's like
We all have better days
Problems getting all up In your face

Leona Lewis:
Just because You go through it

Fergie:
Don't mean it got To take control,
no

Leona Lewis:
You ain't gotta find No hiding place

Keyshia Cole:
Because the heart Can beat the hate

Leona Lewis:
Don't wanna
Let your mind
Keep playin' you

Keyshia Cole:
And sayin' you Can't go on

Rihanna:
I'm tellin' you

Rihanna/Miley Cyrus:
Things get better
Through whatever
If you fall Dust if off
Don't let up

Natasha Bedingfield:
Don't you know you Can go
Be your own
Miracle

Carrie Underwood:
You need to know

(Chorus-All)

Mary J. Blige:
You don't gotta be
A prisoner
In your mind

Ciara:
If you fall Dust it off

Mary J. Blige:
You can live your life

Rihanna/Carrie Underwood:
Yeah

Mary J. Blige:
Let your heart Be your guide

Rihanna/Carrie:
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Mariah Carey:
And you will know
That you're good
If you trust in the good

Ashanti:
Everything
Will be alright, yeah
Light up the dark
If you follow your heart

Mary J. Blige:
And it will get better

Mariah Carey:
Through whatever

Fergie:
You got it in you
Find it within
You got in now
Find it within now
You got in you
Find it within
You got in now
Find it within now
You got in you
Find it within
Find it within you
Find it within

All:
Through it all
Just stand up

Tired Days

2009-09-20T07:29:00.000-07:00

These 2 days people can see me sometimes exciting but sometimes will be very quiet, because I start to be tired, after several practices and also Sunday Service, my stamina can't make it anymore and I am starting to be tired that I didn't experience it for long time.
I don't have much conclusion and also feeling about these 2 days, just like a normal day,
time may come ,time may go,
people come people go,
water come then it flow,
turtle walk also quite slow
Okay, stop here, and wish all will have a blessed and happy holiday.

War

2009-09-17T07:35:00.000-07:00

Feeling like we were in the battlefield, today fight, tomorrow rest, then fight again for several days, then rest again. It seems like we don't have a good time for us to rest for the war, war time, rest time, war time, rest time. alternating........ I wish we can finish this war all the way without rest, at least we can know our result before we rest and have fun. I prefer to have a long holiday after exam rather than exam then holiday then exam again......
Today my friend give me a bottle as a gift, I so happy man!!, actually I want to change it very long time but I don't have the time for me to choose. Finally!!!! woo, thank you 008 and 003, I will treasure it and use it as you want me to do it XD
this holiday I will spend my time in having fun , fellowship, and of course, Karaoke (Youth Best Entertainment). By the way, since last time case, I feel that I have a terror in watching movie, the scenery in cinema make me feel not okay, maybe because of the magnetic field..... well , i don't know, If you want me to watch movie before or after Karaoke, I will skip movie part, thanks so much.

2009-09-14T06:58:00.000-07:00

I have a very bad feeling , i feel that I am going to be scolded by people innocently. But what am I going to do is keeping silence and not to explain anything. Everything will be just carried by me all alone.
Just now my father's car's window get broken by thief and 2 files are stolen, but these 2 files are not priceful. poor thing, My father just repair his car, now the window is broken, what can I say is just pray that our home will be safe, I really have a bad feeling that this several times I will face some big problems.

2009-09-12T07:28:00.000-07:00

Today I visited 4th PJ for their enrolment service, there is many juniors and it is an amazing days for them, and soon we will like them, wearing full uniform with blue tie and get the award on the stage, but we still need to take a lot of effort inside. I think it will be very tough time for our company and me as well.
Actually in an area I feel not happy is the blog tagged problem, just to tell here, actually blog is your area to share something you want to share, but it is actually a waste of time for you to tag all those stuff, actually you are wasting your time and your friend's time, why don't we choose to ignore this, try to ignore this tag and write something more meaningful and also able let us to know you more and more. And it is not necessary for us to tag people, we are actually pull people inside a trouble area, people waste time to fill all those details and no time and no mood to post stuffs on their blog. i feel very useless to do all these.......

2009-09-06T08:45:00.000-07:00

Today I am quite excited, except for service and WFL class assignment, Sean suddenly come and join us for Service, actually his main purpose is to visit our company. Well, I am shocked and this Sean is the Sean that I not really know deeply, I can say that I know him much better than last year, because last year I felt that he was quite cool and not willing to speak to me haha=), but he is quite friendly and just like other guys who is youthful, I really admire him as well, because of his commitment in BB, I can see different in him rather than other person, that's why I am so friendly with him, but he didn't even remember me, but at last he still can remember, if not I will be very sad, Lolx, I hope that he will continue to join us as well, so that we can know him better and better
Church youth development camp will be at 17th to 19 December, I am happy that A Yau is willing to come, rather than another camp, she goes for another camp because of her friend, but now she is confronting his friend to come for Youth Camp, but I don't know what are the other's responds, haven't ask, but I hope that they will have a heart like A Yau
So tomorrow will be holiday, so just study study study and study at home......

2009-09-03T07:37:00.000-07:00

今天是考试的第3天，已经很顶不顺，考试考到一半有割草，根本不能专心。这一次肯定.......不过算了，尽全力就好。对我来说啦！
有时候真的觉得，如果以前我没做那么多东西，可能现在是个很普通的人，和平常人一样，打机，市场逛街。有时候真的后悔自己以前所做对的事。表面上是对的，但是在我心底觉得很懊悔，如果我以前没做那个决定，可能我的生命会好一点。踩得太深，结果变成失望.......我忍受不到以笑来对待，以正面态度去面对，不过有什么用，还是要，人生就是这样。难道我真的没有做过一间对的事?还是因为讨厌我才一直跟我唱反调，我也开始意识到画公子不需要画出墙的意思。

2009-08-30T07:07:00.000-07:00

转眼间又要开学了，一个不像四点的四点，就在今天；一个不像假期的假期，就在这个礼拜。
我们都很希望假期不会结束，但是它一样会到终点。
这一次的假期，很多时候偷会让我想起预试，就在下个星期，老实说，也没什么好怕，没读就是这样咯
朋友寄短讯过来，说很担心，没温习，我也是。放心，你没温习，担心，后悔，我陪你，哈哈（傻佬）

怎么觉得有点累。现在的我什么都不想去想，等假期结束再说。
一个礼拜没看到死党，也没什么啦！只不过有点怪怪的。
哈哈，我想快点去学校，其实有东西要给003，所以，尽情期待

还有，我的undang pass 了， 47分，我 shocked 到，我自己也不相信
上次错最多的，现在对完。反而其他的项目保持不变的分数
上帝保佑，可能在加上我一直攻那个项目
这个星期就出L牌，然后考P牌。

2009-08-25T20:28:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Jian Yew's birthday, show some photo when v r in karaoke

erm... quite weird, well , for further more photo, pls logon to my facebook, haha, b4 tat, v went for movie called 'Orphan'. It's not my opinion, actually i suggest for Rising of Cobra, but Hiang Chuan suggest it, and no more people say anything, so I dun wan to make many many complains, u noe I HATE HORROR MOVIE, it doesn't have any morale value at all, in fact, today is Jian Yew birthday, think about it, is horror movie suitale for birthday come on, r u crazy or smtg? ok nvm..... go on man, Im fine, for no long........
so today wat i wan to share is, dun watch horror movie next time, even u wan to scold me, i wont buy the ticket, well u noe, I pay the ticket for self-fearing, not worth......

2009-08-24T08:38:00.000-07:00

现在的我，等待着12am的到来，然后打一通电话给他祝他生日快乐，不过不懂我朋友睡了没，别担心，他没睡的，不过有可能会把电话关机lol!
最近觉得我妈妈的脾气越来越糟，还算可以应付，如果顶不顺我看我要发彪，只不过场面会很难看，没办法，大丈夫，忍一时风平浪静。这么多东西烦，也不怪的她的。爸爸一个月薪水的1/3给她做家用，而且还是4个人用，我，哥哥，弟弟，妈妈。而爸爸？用完那2/3咯！利害吧!haizzz

2009-08-23T00:19:00.000-07:00

刚从教会回来，心情蛮不错，刚请了快要生日的他吃东西，蛮高兴的。不过当我在巴士站的时候，心情都有点闷骚,老实说，今天的人蛮不友善的，为什么？来问我啦！
这个blog很短罢了，只是想说，这个礼拜，大多的时间我回放在学业上，也很有可能不会出来咯！闭关，哈哈。之前的心情都好回了！我也尽力到他开心的一面，他很久没有这样跟我开玩笑了.....(傻的这样都好开心.....)

舞 。林

New Year Goal?

烦

The Road Not Taken

Random topic

Smile

Love Of Siam

Priority

再累都值得

Thinking

Judgement

The Rain Drops

雨量增多

I am also the Same

Disappointment

Appreciative

Team Work

Materialism

初六

New Year

Just Random

1st Week of schooling

Giving Thanks

Forgotten

Christmas Service

Learn to change

Success and Fun!

Strong

空虚

Insecure

EMOTIONAL

Random

A Visit to Sitiawan

1st day in 2nd semester

旅程

Sad Songs

生日

This Week

WEEKEND

BB Pesta

Memories

Weird Dream

浪很多

Outing

..

Living in The World

4th day

College Life

Happy

Challenges

3月八日

浪

Nonsence Struggling

Life could be easy, but why...?

New Year

MASK

SIGH

Dream?

Long time ago

what?

3 days for workshop

DXown

The Road Not Taken

A Day

Year End, Year Begin

伤心又不想哭

The Heaviness

Challenging Days

Untittled

感谢，因为离别.....

一部戏+一部电影+我个人意见

Graduation + best class I ever join

又来了

No Mood at all

Morning, Afternoon, Evening, Night

Untitled II

Untitled

The Memory I can't forget

FINALLY!!!!!!

Another Day II

舞。林