..

this is already the 3rd week that I started my college life, but I still think that my work is not good enough, maybe I am a perfectionist, whatever I do, I must do until I am satisfied, but now I realise thta design is easy, but it is hard to me.
Everytime when I saw my result I felt very satisfied because I can do something like this. But the problem is I am still lousy in design and drawing. Lecturer say: it's okay, just 3rd week only, but for me: 3rd weeks already, why I can't see any improvement. My requirement for myself i higher.
Hope that I can get through this, I am really frustated when I saw my lousy work.
At first I thought that I may not good in drawing, but since I joined, I am familiar with it, some maybe I am not expert in, but I can try, but when I can improve, I am not sure and no confident in it

Living in The World

I am now waiting for 10am class in my College computer lab.
Yesterday receive a letter from National Service department that I have to go for National service.
But the problem is currently I am studying.
My mom started to ask me some nonsense again.
'so how'?
well i don't know what to asnswer, I thought she already has an answer in her mind.
After that I try to call them. But their working hour is over.
Without worrying I just spend my day.
But after sleep, this morning theworriness started to come again(well you know, we worry very much in the morning)
'What if the letter can't be sent, what i they don't approve, what if ..... bla bla bla bla......'
I don't know what to say, sometimes I just don't know what to do.
Living in this world will make myself feel complicated.
And I am now like a people who get bind by a wipe that can't move freely
my mind and my brain is binded. Make me think and feel limited.

4th day

This is the 4th day since I studied in Alfa College.
Honestly, I am quite happy to study here
But I don't know can I afford the test or not
My marks will based on homework, assignment and project which is a whole new thing to me.
I saw some last semester students stay for this semester just to retake 1 subject in 3 months.
I think if I were like that I beg I am going to waste many money of my parents.
It just like last time I afraid and worry about my result of SPM
but the different is now I can change it, because it still haven't happen yet.
but SPM, I worry after I took, so I won't worry about my now, because I can change it
Wish me a luck..

College Life

I am now in the college and enjoying the life in it.
1st day come in, then I get a very warm welcoming.
to be short I am fine here. don't worry about me
I will fight for my result, hahahahaXD
(Just started then say result...)

Happy

I can say I am happy with my result
Although it is not ridiculously good but I am satisfied with it.
At least I tried my best and no fail in my every subject. Thank God so much.
2A, 1B, 4C, 2D, 1E, no fail, but compare to other genius, my result is bad of course.
but the fact is, I didn't give myself a very high expectation, but I try myself very best in exam.
and I expect the worst =.=(somebody will know what am I talking about).
so the result is better than my worst.
compare to other who calculating how many As, I am happier with it.
because I am not paying a high expectation in it.
and the result is much much higher, I was like : O my GOODNESS!!~~~~~~~~~~
so, guys, please don't be sad for it,
because it is just a beginning, if you can't afford it, you are hardly to move on
Stop feeling sad or upset or disappointed(whatever negative feeling), start to think and dream about our future.
I can see the light, how about you

(NOTE: Author's feeling like weather, you can't know his temper tomorrow, so be ware of him, thanks)

Challenges

since it is 11 more hours to go, I am not tension anymore, but my heart beating strongly until I can't make myself steady.
Since 1 January of this year, many things that so call not good came to me beat by beat, these things settled, another to come, so I make a fortune for myself that tomorrow my result will make me give up of education.
I am not giving myself a low confidence, I have a faith in God that He will bless me in my result, but the problem is, this year that is too much things to be worried of. I haven''t settle this, another jump to me, what I wanna conclude here is, when we 18 years old, we are totally can''t control our lives. The answer will be told tomorrow, but I afraid that I will give up in everything tomorrow, because the result will judge me whether am I further my study? or make me go to hell? I will not say more about result, because tomorrow will be the day.
For now, I have lost my interest in study, or I said passion, I have no passion in it, so it will be my reconsideration to further my study or not. If i can''t find back my interest, maybe I am not going to study in my entire life, to be a useless man in the future. I felt like I am living in darkness, everything is so dark, so terrible. I don''t know how to explain it.

3月八日

距离成绩放榜的日子还有3天吧,总觉得当天是失败和伤心的一天。
在别人的眼中，看似一个可造之才，但当看镜子时，里面却是一个自卑又没用的窝囊废。
别人再多给鼓励，再怎么看好我，我还是觉得这一场仗会失败。
可能我坚信我比别人了解我自己，但其实，别人会更了解我。
现在我的脑没有一天是空白的，一直想着我的成绩。
和我朋友相反，他们不担心，到那天才担心。而我，每天日日夜夜都想着，犹豫着。
虽然有很多应许，但是心中的不安总不能磨灭掉。
我这个人的自信越来越若，什么时候才能建立？
他们说我心烦，是因为我没有自信。
看来他们说得一点都没错，即使我知道我在试卷上写得多好，我的心也一直告诉我，我会输掉这场仗。
一直有很强的感觉。不知几时，我才能安宁。
放假时，头脑一直忧虑，根本不能为升学作准备。

成绩放榜的日子一天一天逼近，现在的我真得很怕，我很怕，我的国语会不及格。自己的信心真得很不多，所谓信心是自己给自己的，有时真的没错。无论别人怎么说，我还是觉得自己这一次死定了。
很多时候，我一直有一种很强烈的感觉，感觉到我这一次的成绩会一落千丈。就算有很多人这么说：一定会比预考好，甚至上帝在梦里也告诉我我可以及格，我的心还是忐忑不安。千几百次叫自己不要再想了，可是脑筋就不为我控制，快疯掉了。
这也许是我考SPM之后，写的华语作文，老实说，我的华语也不必国文好，我承认华语真的难道连我都不会写。马马虎虎，反而国语的试卷比他还好些。我曾经跟上帝许下诺言，说如果我这一次的马来文能几个附上3个C以上，上了学院，我会努力的读书，但是，现在的我，还在担心，脑啊脑！你要怎样，让我控制你好不好，不要再想了，长辈都说我能，就能咯！我还担心什么？
最近发了两个梦，觉得跟上帝有关。今天我在车上，赶着去上舞蹈课时，才领悟到大浪梦中的含义，浪一次又一次的涌过来，意思是说，我的生命会一直有层出不穷的困难一直涌过来。而大浪靠过来我没事，意思是说，上帝会保护我不受困难给弄死，大概就是这个意思。
前两天发了一个梦，梦里说，我写了封信给上帝。上帝回信咯！他说，‘你的国语会及格，这一次几个的分数是30分。’当时在梦里的我很安心。但回到现实。不过有个姐妹告诉我，这是上帝的信念。圣经的人物也有这样的经验。可是我还是那个样。
最近觉得自己的才艺已经被剥夺了，做什么都不好。很少在别人的嘴里听见：很好！，做得好！。只听得到：还好啦，加油啦，就这样。我已经开始厌倦了。
最后只觉得自己越来越没用，有幅这么难看的脸，又有这么没用的人格，不知道在这世界还能撑多久。

浪

世界真是无奇不有，我说出去可能比人会数落我，不过千真万确。
故事是很简单的，相信大家都知道海啸袭击一些国家。
在海啸发生的时候，我就和健耀就在一个姐妹家度过一消。
当晚我在厄梦里见到好几个大浪一直陆陆续续的涌过来。
但是大浪来到，却向我查身而过，我完全没事。
但是大浪还是向我冲来，那时候的我只站在那里，不过像第一次一样，没事。
很快的，梦境消失，变回沉睡的我。
我一觉醒来，什么都忘了，只是最近才记得。
难道神给我一些致意？
我不觉得我的梦与海啸无关。
这么特别的经历，我还是头一次遭。