With everything I have in my mind I try to forgive and try not to angry.
These days I face a lot of so-called persecution and teasing.
Although it is not in front of me but I can see that, I just act like I didn't see anything. but from that on, I just know what call a friend, which is when you have trouble is someone who you seek but when nothing happen it is better you keep silent from each other.
It is maybe too harsh for me, I don't need good friend anymore, it is just something that I need but I won't be dead if lack of them. Since I studied in college, we don't have time to be together, so our thinkings are different, so its time for us to draw a line between each other, I know many of my friends will talk something not really good about me behind me which is I don't really care anymore, because from now on, I am already disheartened.
I won't put so much love and hope in friendship which end up with this consequences but I will spend my time to build up myself, I used to work alone and do things alone, with assistant but not partnership, with workers but not friends.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
Success and Fun!
From Thursday to Sunday, I have my funniest time ever, well, where to start? Let's see.....
BB makes my life interesting, this story started with my captain called me out to do a slide presentation for Christmas Dazzles Concert, it is God's blessing that I can really serve in this area which I have to control the visual effect of the slideshow in front of 500+- people and audiences. I have being "scolded" by the chairman because of not aware of the slide transition, but it was fun, 2nd day and the actual day is better. erm... let's explain, the choir had some songs and series of song, each song require different background and scenery, so I have the responsibility to show all those slide and also control the entire sequence of screen.
With several practices and awareness, I am able to control and have fun in the concert, it is really amazing that I can enjoy the music while playing the slides even I heard it for 4 days. To some people it maybe boring, but I am really enjoying the music and nearly wanna dance with it.
The first most memorable moment is when Choir singing "Night Of Silence" and the audiences are singing "Silent night". This duet really making it amazing, I am sure that it impressed those audiences, so as I.
Finally come to an end, Selangor State BB members and officers go in front of the stage and "perform" and having fun there (so called free clubbing), and we had our funniest time there. Maybe my reader cannot feel it, because this have to feel it by ourselves. We ended with photography sessions, The Philharmonic Society and the Boys' Brigade of Selangor finally had our group photo.
Get back to Monday, the day after my concert is my Assessment of my Video Editing project, although the comment is not so good, but i bet that my project is good enough just not that good. And what really make me happy is 1 of my lecturer really gave me a compliment that my artwork improved a lot from last semester, I was like.... erm... okay, she said she is serious, I said, yes I trust you of course. Well, guess that next semester I have to gambateh more and more, cause I don't want to make myself disappointed.
AMAZING DAYS with amazing people,
Special thanks to: Philharmonic Society Of Selangor, BB Selangor and College people. =)
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Strong
Its been a long time since I update my blog, this time I will start with stories of mine in Awards Camp.(No photo)
In the 4 days 3 nights camp, it has been a tough time, toughest wan is not that the physical toughness but the emotional and mental. I have come across with some mental disorder. Why?
First day, we are require to build a raft to sail it on the water which need some material, as a team leader I took a responsibility to take some order, end up with we just "less taken" something. What happen, the trainer scolded me in front of all those members. The first thing, I was angry and sad at a same time, A clear instruction is given, but why still wrong, and means that I wrong? Why I have to receive this kind of punishment? if I said I am not wrong, but no one will be on my stand. That time after getting scolded, I nearly cried, but I just endured, it is hard to endure your tear from dropping from you eyes.
What can I say? this camp is the unluckiest one for me to take lead, in my team no one took initiative to do things, I was like a man pulling a bunch of cows to move on, no on likes to move. Finally, Good, get scolded again, I can say that to be a leader, they don't appreciate me at all, I am not saying that I am perfect, but they are like a bunch of bull(or worse than that?), A bull will move when it get bitten, but they wont move even you hit them for 5 to 6 times.
I already fed up for sometimes, some of my members ask me why inside the camp, Why will I be like that, I just said: nothing, just leave me alone. But actually I am crying in my heart, I am sad that I cannot be an influence leader, and I am very frustrating to move a bunch of so called burden. but in my heart, I always tell myself, I have to be strong, I have to move on, that's why I can stand until now, no weapon formed against me shall prosper.
In the 4 days 3 nights camp, it has been a tough time, toughest wan is not that the physical toughness but the emotional and mental. I have come across with some mental disorder. Why?
First day, we are require to build a raft to sail it on the water which need some material, as a team leader I took a responsibility to take some order, end up with we just "less taken" something. What happen, the trainer scolded me in front of all those members. The first thing, I was angry and sad at a same time, A clear instruction is given, but why still wrong, and means that I wrong? Why I have to receive this kind of punishment? if I said I am not wrong, but no one will be on my stand. That time after getting scolded, I nearly cried, but I just endured, it is hard to endure your tear from dropping from you eyes.
What can I say? this camp is the unluckiest one for me to take lead, in my team no one took initiative to do things, I was like a man pulling a bunch of cows to move on, no on likes to move. Finally, Good, get scolded again, I can say that to be a leader, they don't appreciate me at all, I am not saying that I am perfect, but they are like a bunch of bull(or worse than that?), A bull will move when it get bitten, but they wont move even you hit them for 5 to 6 times.
I already fed up for sometimes, some of my members ask me why inside the camp, Why will I be like that, I just said: nothing, just leave me alone. But actually I am crying in my heart, I am sad that I cannot be an influence leader, and I am very frustrating to move a bunch of so called burden. but in my heart, I always tell myself, I have to be strong, I have to move on, that's why I can stand until now, no weapon formed against me shall prosper.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
空虚
好久没有写blog了，不过也不够和别人谈心事久，大概...10个月？一年？大概吧！觉得自己越来越不打紧，以前的自己慢慢的消失，总觉得现在的我欠了点东西，里面空了。
为什么空？不知道，可能一直在最求一些日常生活因该做的。好吧！都18岁了，应该变了，变得....不知道，我已经越来越迷失，不认识自己，不认识现在的我，很陌生，我到底是好人，还是一个很讨人厌的人？开始在想，怎么也没答案，身边每一个人可以告诉我，因为，好友都不在我身边陪着我，与我同行，最求同一个未来...
为什么空？不知道，可能一直在最求一些日常生活因该做的。好吧！都18岁了，应该变了，变得....不知道，我已经越来越迷失，不认识自己，不认识现在的我，很陌生，我到底是好人，还是一个很讨人厌的人？开始在想，怎么也没答案，身边每一个人可以告诉我，因为，好友都不在我身边陪着我，与我同行，最求同一个未来...
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Insecure
When you feel that you are in a comfort zone, sooner and later you will something is not right.
This is like what happen to me, well, as you can see that, I am getting more and more neutral, anything sad will not conquer my emotion, but somehow there is something makes me feel upset.
I was just speechless for currently what happen my friends, seems like problems never let go of them, or they never let go of problems?I hope they can discover and released one day.
Recently college seems going to happen something big, warfare? no idea, but I don't feel secure anymore when I was in college, the atmosphere already not there, my heart getting cooler and cooler, and my tears... it is not flowing anymore.
growing bigger mean problems are coming, I always see my friends posted many status in facebook saying that they are hurt, so on and so fault. but honest speaking, I am sad if anyone of my friends is hurt or emo, anyone. I tend to become a listener, I want to help my friend, I just want them to share what happen to me to make them feel better, I just want to be a listener, but, where is my speakers...
This is like what happen to me, well, as you can see that, I am getting more and more neutral, anything sad will not conquer my emotion, but somehow there is something makes me feel upset.
I was just speechless for currently what happen my friends, seems like problems never let go of them, or they never let go of problems?I hope they can discover and released one day.
Recently college seems going to happen something big, warfare? no idea, but I don't feel secure anymore when I was in college, the atmosphere already not there, my heart getting cooler and cooler, and my tears... it is not flowing anymore.
growing bigger mean problems are coming, I always see my friends posted many status in facebook saying that they are hurt, so on and so fault. but honest speaking, I am sad if anyone of my friends is hurt or emo, anyone. I tend to become a listener, I want to help my friend, I just want them to share what happen to me to make them feel better, I just want to be a listener, but, where is my speakers...
Monday, October 11, 2010
EMOTIONAL
Recently I just did many psychological test in facebook, they calculate it quite accurately, it is said that I am always happy towards people and I was trying to hide myself inside.
actually, yes, this is me. As I know, I was trying to be happy always, but as time goes by, I felt my heart is going heavier and heavier. I don't know what happen to me, but for sure I feel I am more emo internally but not externally. That's a good thing or a bad thing? I don't know.
I was trying to find a people to talk with, at least both of us share our struggles to each other to be balance. But nobody knows my intension, they just treated me as an ordinary people, a passer-by, or even a person that doesn't exist in their eyes if I didn't speak out. Maybe it is.
Day by day I live like an ordinary people, but one thing I improved from the past, that is I am out of control from my emotion
actually, yes, this is me. As I know, I was trying to be happy always, but as time goes by, I felt my heart is going heavier and heavier. I don't know what happen to me, but for sure I feel I am more emo internally but not externally. That's a good thing or a bad thing? I don't know.
I was trying to find a people to talk with, at least both of us share our struggles to each other to be balance. But nobody knows my intension, they just treated me as an ordinary people, a passer-by, or even a person that doesn't exist in their eyes if I didn't speak out. Maybe it is.
Day by day I live like an ordinary people, but one thing I improved from the past, that is I am out of control from my emotion
Monday, October 4, 2010
Random
Finally, after so many of laziness, I can get back to my blog, writing my personal life and story.
After so many struggles(actually not). Well, let's get back to topic, I find myself back, the 'me' that is quite emotional 1 year ago. I don't know why will he came back, but this time he is inside of my body but not outside, it means that he won't come out from my body to let people see him.
My emotion just act inwardly, is it a good thing? every time when I feel sad, I will just cried inwardly, and my tear would not flew out.Even though I tried my best to cry it out but it still doesn't work, maybe I haven't meet the biggest challenge and difficulty, the best way to hypnotize myself is to focus on my work, get cool in my work =).
Let's talk about something that make me happy. Recently, I just made a gift to 2nd Manjung, thankfully it is sent to there by one day, I am so excited after received the sms from my friend.
After so many struggles(actually not). Well, let's get back to topic, I find myself back, the 'me' that is quite emotional 1 year ago. I don't know why will he came back, but this time he is inside of my body but not outside, it means that he won't come out from my body to let people see him.
My emotion just act inwardly, is it a good thing? every time when I feel sad, I will just cried inwardly, and my tear would not flew out.Even though I tried my best to cry it out but it still doesn't work, maybe I haven't meet the biggest challenge and difficulty, the best way to hypnotize myself is to focus on my work, get cool in my work =).
Let's talk about something that make me happy. Recently, I just made a gift to 2nd Manjung, thankfully it is sent to there by one day, I am so excited after received the sms from my friend.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)