Just Random

I felt depressions keep coming into my mind and stop me moving forward. I don't know but the pressure that given by the upper positions really make me cannot breathe, I was like, am I going to question? If I question, will it be a disobedience? I am really... afraid. I don't know how can I step forward, and I cannot move backward anymore.
These 2 weeks I get a lot, things that has done are already done, stuff that be solved is solved. But what about this? what about that, things things keep coming to my mind that really depress me, I am happy to know more people in my life, in the same time I feel sad and... and depressed? because of some pressure coming to me that really hinder me to choosing a right way, left or right? which road should I take, I just want to stop walking. I am sad, I am discouraged... from the very first of this year I was, I am, but I will be not, how can I tell myself that?
I wanna shout out loud for my foolishness, for my uselessness that I cannot solve a problem and cannot console myself for many things, yet I called myself as one of a leader in church, am I fooling myself? am I misusing my ability? Am I.....

1st Week of schooling

Well, 1st week of schooling is almost coming to an end, and this is only the beginning. Boredom is coming lately.
Well, thank God that everyday we will have Presentation to decrease the boredom, but among all the short semester course, I like History of Art and Design. The lecturer promoted it very well, he can actually take my attention, unlike other Sejarah teacher in secondary school.
I don't know whether I can pass this semester but I will surely try my best, college to me like no more problem in passing but scoring.

Giving Thanks

With people gone and come, passing by, friends, family, strangers, brothers and sisters. There are many kinds of men and women you actually dealing with.
Among so many people, last few days something just prompt to my mind about last year, someone really appear in my life that I should really appreciate them. Maybe to them or to other people, (or maybe to me) it is not an important, it is just a little tiny things in the world, just an ant among 10 cows.
Story begin like this, there is a senior of me, i heard it for twice, he always say this while other people asking and curious about my ability, he will say:"you learned this right? go and do it la" yes, this sentence really gave me a great encouragement and also increase our rate of friendship inside. I like the way of this senior tell me and encourage me while others just curious about my ability.
2nd group of people were those who people higher ranking than me, one of them see me forward to be a higher leader. I am happy to have them. and one more say that I have a potential, just that something hindering me.
I am just giving example, just wanna give thanks to those who encouraged me and look forward to me, I will not disappoint you guys =)

Forgotten

I....actually forgot something, I forgot one mind-set that I should set in my mind.
I should really recall back myself, do not get to friendly to people.
For the sentiment of mine for people and friend already lost.
I should not treat them so goodly for my tear already shed for human and it is finished.
I started to get back to myself, for treating people nicely is for some purpose.
I... just cannot be so nice. I don't want to be that.
If not, I will get hurt by other once again...

Christmas Service

Since the Christmas Service, God really impressed somebody, I don't know but I am sure I am, my church actually involved in a charity work by remembering the poor and doing outreach.
I invited Sean to come to the service, he is a very special and cheerful man, I felt comfortable when being with him. He shared with me he felt something during the praise and worship time. I think I had the same feeling during that time, Praising and Worship God is exciting for me =). We talked alot and shared alot of things between each other. This Christmas is fruitful to everyone and each one of us.
I think I had take a very good lesson that is the miracle of love, the older one of mine actually changed, to be more lovely to the friends around me, I am able to care for others, and building a whole new friendship, I pray that I can have more love from God too to love the people around me.

Learn to change

With everything I have in my mind I try to forgive and try not to angry.
These days I face a lot of so-called persecution and teasing.
Although it is not in front of me but I can see that, I just act like I didn't see anything. but from that on, I just know what call a friend, which is when you have trouble is someone who you seek but when nothing happen it is better you keep silent from each other.
It is maybe too harsh for me, I don't need good friend anymore, it is just something that I need but I won't be dead if lack of them. Since I studied in college, we don't have time to be together, so our thinkings are different, so its time for us to draw a line between each other, I know many of my friends will talk something not really good about me behind me which is I don't really care anymore, because from now on, I am already disheartened.
I won't put so much love and hope in friendship which end up with this consequences but I will spend my time to build up myself, I used to work alone and do things alone, with assistant but not partnership, with workers but not friends.

Success and Fun!

From Thursday to Sunday, I have my funniest time ever, well, where to start? Let's see.....
BB makes my life interesting, this story started with my captain called me out to do a slide presentation for Christmas Dazzles Concert, it is God's blessing that I can really serve in this area which I have to control the visual effect of the slideshow in front of 500+- people and audiences. I have being "scolded" by the chairman because of not aware of the slide transition, but it was fun, 2nd day and the actual day is better. erm... let's explain, the choir had some songs and series of song, each song require different background and scenery, so I have the responsibility to show all those slide and also control the entire sequence of screen.
With several practices and awareness, I am able to control and have fun in the concert, it is really amazing that I can enjoy the music while playing the slides even I heard it for 4 days. To some people it maybe boring, but I am really enjoying the music and nearly wanna dance with it.
The first most memorable moment is when Choir singing "Night Of Silence" and the audiences are singing "Silent night". This duet really making it amazing, I am sure that it impressed those audiences, so as I.
Finally come to an end, Selangor State BB members and officers go in front of the stage and "perform" and having fun there (so called free clubbing), and we had our funniest time there. Maybe my reader cannot feel it, because this have to feel it by ourselves. We ended with photography sessions, The Philharmonic Society and the Boys' Brigade of Selangor finally had our group photo.
Get back to Monday, the day after my concert is my Assessment of my Video Editing project, although the comment is not so good, but i bet that my project is good enough just not that good. And what really make me happy is 1 of my lecturer really gave me a compliment that my artwork improved a lot from last semester, I was like.... erm... okay, she said she is serious, I said, yes I trust you of course. Well, guess that next semester I have to gambateh more and more, cause I don't want to make myself disappointed.
AMAZING DAYS with amazing people,
Special thanks to: Philharmonic Society Of Selangor, BB Selangor and College people. =)