似曾相似的感觉

被排斥的感觉虽然已经习惯，但是当它回来时，我还是不习惯。

以为自己已经改变了，可能会遇到不错的人。

但是一队里总会有有心人，一如往常。

尽然他们那么用心良苦，我也不想辜负他们的“好”意。

有些事，看了就明白，不用多说，我总认为行动比说话更有用。

我明白了，可能是我多疑，但是，我总算明白你们的用意，你们的意图。

我不会哭，因为3年前已经为这种人哭过，也掉干了，也会过去的，会过去的.....

When We Walk Together

After 1 week back from Singapore, finally I turn on this and start writting, it is really lazy for me to do anything after being back from Pesta and STAB Camp. A whole week of adventure and meeting people really makes me refresh all at a time.  I will not post any photograph here as I have all in my facebook account.
This journey, I don't learn a lot of things, but I learned something at least that its enough for me, at least for now, how does leadership work, how does officer do to make things happen more effectively, but as a very young leader, I am very afraid, sometimes, I think I am not worthy to hold this position, because I am not a very big big people, not very successful, even I have many friends around me who very closed and good to me, but it doesn't mean that I can become a good leader. Leader makes mistake but I think I made more than a mistake.
In Pesta, I managed to find back my old friend, spending most of my time with them whenever its free time, chatting, updating our status. Even when we were in dorm, they find me to chat, we sat down, lying down and chat like long time no see, its been 2 years we didn't see each other, and of course we put our heart together, not chit-chatting, but speaking like a friend to friend talk.
We came from different company and background, everyone of us faces different problem in our area, I saw them grow, face problem, trying to break to force field that surrounding them to get the freedom. I am regret that I don't actually talk to them about their problem, but what can I say is, If you believe in yourself and pray to the Lord, He's gonna make it happen. Last night, I spent time chatting with them, just before I left, because this might be the chance to see them all, I don't wanna be like last time, at least I have no regret on this anymore. When departing from Pesta to Singapore, my tear nearly came out, as I look out from the window, seeing I was leaving the school, and without any clue when will we meet again. I believe one day, we might see each other again, so I kept my tear and smile, saying farewell... Farewell but not goodbye, as we will see each other in a very long time later.
When we were in Singapore, I met Nicholas and Zhao Xuan. Nicholas, who were same group with me last S.T.A.B Camp, which I remember him a little much, because of his size. hahahah, and Zhao Xuan, no memory about him, but when I asked Nicholas back, and I remembered, he was in my team too. Both of them working well in their respective team, bold and brave. If getting more training, they will become diamond one day.
We spent quality time together, after knowing Nicholas background, sometimes I just feel like he needs a brother or a father figure, as his family has less time to accompany him. Throughout the whole camp he is talking and hinting me to stay, because of the brotherhood. "Let me give you an advice, next time when you work in Singapore...." "please, don't go...."  I was like stunned, this voice stayed in my memory which I cannot forget. What can I do is the same thing to them, I cannot make myself regret to leave them without spending more quality time with them together. He always say thank you for my advice, so wanna treat me some drinks, I forgot everything that happened before, so I just said no...
As I left Singapore, my tear drops, but because it is public, I covered it. "So say goodbye, but don't you cry, because true love never dies" This word is true. If we don't leave each other, we might not have the eager to see each other again, and we won't be having that excitement when we meet again in the future, I smiled as I wrote this. At last, we exchanged our Bible, as a sign that we must meet again, he quickly ran to his dorm and bring his Bible just to exchange with me, 2 bibles are the same, but the meaning is there. For what I define, we exchange the bible, as I sign that we must be seeing each other in future, so when we meet again, we can get our bible back, as a promise that we will meet again one day without fail....

Back to Basis

As I did so many things around, and it was too packed, I forgot who am I, what is my purpose of doing, I don't wanna do just for the sake of working. but work for the sake of my basis, the reason why I came along.
Obedience, thinking of others, humble, seems like I lost them all, and even more... I need to regain it back, maybe its time for me to take a break, to regain these 3....

Sometimes, I just want a talk.

Sometimes, I just need somebody to talk to, a heart to heart talk, a emotional talk, brotherly talk, and not that kind of gossiping talk
 Sometimes, I have many things in my mind, I need to share it out, and make myself comfortable, I don't know how much long can I stand.
 I just need a conversation with my friends, some of my friends who I have heart to share with.
 Not typing, not through the phone, but its really come out and have a conversation, to let people see what's going on with me, I am not clear about myself too.

Flexibilty

 Sometimes I feel that flexibility is very important. For example is guiding young people nowadays, or i said our juniors, many times if we try to be more relief to them but not always push them, they will do better than what we expected.
   Should say like this, it means that when we tend to not to remind him/her the task, he/she will do much more better and more efficient, but if we keep on urging them the dateline is coming and they do no better, the outcome is not good at all. I discover this in college, Boys' Brigade, Dance and even some other places.
  For example, when I am leading the Suria Boys, many times I tend to keep on reminding them to hand in this hand in that, let's say, registration form, but end up just 1 or 2 handed in out of 7, I don't know why, but when I tend to leave it and let them have to automatic and try not to push, the effect is nicer than when I push them, but of course, it cannot be continuing like this, they need guidance. For example, when dueling with boot camp assignment, I didn't ask them :"hand in a wei, next week deadline liao, you haven't start ar??" , but I will just say:"so when is the dateline? you know right? okay, as long as you handed me in then ok, remember ya!" full stop, if we tend to be gan jiong, it will give them pressure and you won't get what you want at the end.
   In dance class too, my instructor won't give many advise, but just continuing practicing, less talking and pushing make us catch the dance step more clearer. In college, the more lecturer concern on our dateline, the less efficiency we have sometimes, seriously.
  So coaching and guiding sometimes is like playing kite, you have to soften your hand let it fly, when its too high, hold it back. same thing to guiding young people, they are just like kite, they need freedom and don't want us to nag them everyday, so we just soften our hand and let them fly, do whatever they want, what I want is the outcome, but when they were wrong and got problem, then we hold it back, stop the kite from flying and pull it back abit.... ;D

The Return

Long time never update this, but sometimes I think that keeping this unto myself is better than showing my feeling with others. I have a practice to write down my daily life into a journal, but of course not everyday, because I think that everyday is a part of my story, and my life is not that boring, and I have things to write down, maybe 1 day, someone will pick up my journal and read it, and they will understand more about me. I always have a dream that I will show my good fried my journal before we separate, who knows?
Along this 3 months, I learned alot, running BB company makes me feel that, I am kind of many things to handle, well, I also feel that I grow a lot, but of course, not enough, so I need to pick up myself and do my best. More stories, more to come...

New Year Goal?

Recently I have set a New Year resolution for myself, it is just some very simple step which lead me to a better person.
1. Always think of other first anytime anywhere, as God's people, I shall think of other people rather than just thinking of myself
2. Word of God everyday at least a passage from the bible a day
3. Speaking word of encouragement