Saturday, November 27, 2010

Strong

Its been a long time since I update my blog, this time I will start with stories of mine in Awards Camp.(No photo)
In the 4 days 3 nights camp, it has been a tough time, toughest wan is not that the physical toughness but the emotional and mental. I have come across with some mental disorder. Why?
First day, we are require to build a raft to sail it on the water which need some material, as a team leader I took a responsibility to take some order, end up with we just "less taken" something. What happen, the trainer scolded me in front of all those members. The first thing, I was angry and sad at a same time, A clear instruction is given, but why still wrong, and means that I wrong? Why I have to receive this kind of punishment? if I said I am not wrong, but no one will be on my stand. That time after getting scolded, I nearly cried, but I just endured, it is hard to endure your tear from dropping from you eyes.
What can I say? this camp is the unluckiest one for me to take lead, in my team no one took initiative to do things, I was like a man pulling a bunch of cows to move on, no on likes to move. Finally, Good, get scolded again, I can say that to be a leader, they don't appreciate me at all, I am not saying that I am perfect, but they are like a bunch of bull(or worse than that?), A bull will move when it get bitten, but they wont move even you hit them for 5 to 6 times.
I already fed up for sometimes, some of my members ask me why inside the camp, Why will I be like that, I just said: nothing, just leave me alone. But actually I am crying in my heart, I am sad that I cannot be an influence leader, and I am very frustrating to move a bunch of so called burden. but in my heart, I always tell myself, I have to be strong, I have to move on, that's why I can stand until now, no weapon formed against me shall prosper.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

空虚

好久没有写blog了,不过也不够和别人谈心事久,大概...10个月?一年?大概吧!觉得自己越来越不打紧,以前的自己慢慢的消失,总觉得现在的我欠了点东西,里面空了。
为什么空?不知道,可能一直在最求一些日常生活因该做的。好吧!都18岁了,应该变了,变得....不知道,我已经越来越迷失,不认识自己,不认识现在的我,很陌生,我到底是好人,还是一个很讨人厌的人?开始在想,怎么也没答案,身边每一个人可以告诉我,因为,好友都不在我身边陪着我,与我同行,最求同一个未来...