烦

许久没更新，有很多东西发生，只不过，不知从何说起。
只能说自己没用，什么都做不好，事事不如意。
世界就是这样，我走到哪里，就有克住我的人。
只能说有时候，我被别人看底。所谓以小人之心夺君子之腹。
我只能说，对任何事，不再上心。
无论我付出多少，为多少事劳心劳力，流血流泪，还是有所谓的小人。
两个字，以为。可以让我心痛到极点。
两个字，以为。就判断我是一个这么卑鄙的人
两个字，以为。我就是别人眼中的坏人，小人，什么人？
两个字，就是这两个字，我已经放弃了，失望透顶。
不再上心，不再有冲刺。冲刺来个屁！！！

The Road Not Taken

" Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergroth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."
by Robert Frost

When comes to decision making, I really have no choice.
I am choosing 2 paths, both paths are gonna make my life different.
But which one will I choose? I really don't know
Seeking for advice, from who?
Well at least I have 7 days

两个月没写部落格的我，最近过得怎么样了?这两个月的我，感触良多。高山低谷就还没走到这个地步。不过开始觉得有点寂寞了，想找个人来关心下，也想被关心。不知道被人抱在怀里的那一种感觉是不是那么美好？
生命中来来去去有人插肩而过，也有人停下来，在你心里种了一个让你无法磨灭掉的种子，等着他成长开花。也许，我不会遇到这一个人，也可能，这人已出现，也很有可能，我是这个人。
人总是贪婪，有人贪钱，有人贪色，有人贪玩。而我？我是哪一种贪新鲜的人吧？如有新奇的东西，我一定会去试一试，就是试过去真诚的爱一个人。以前不敢爱，是因为爱错，明知爱上一个不应该爱的人是一种错误，何必呢....
曾经一个朋友，他很真，我很喜欢他。别人认为他有点gay,但是他却又女朋友。有一天，他这样向我解释：“你知道为什么有些人会这么说我吗？” 我看着他，等待着他的答案。“因为我很想像有些女生一样，一样有人疼，有人关心，作为男人，你只能做关心人，疼爱人的那一个....."
我想想，其实，我是不是另一个他，一直期待别人来关心下我，就像个弟弟也好啊！！ 哈哈哈，真幼稚，真感性。
算了，不可能的事，永远都不可能，只能做主动的那一个了。

Random topic

We have been through a lot of things that really keep me up. I always face everything in a positive manner. I don't wanna let people to see I am sad, I don't wanna put my sadness and share it to people, this is my living manners.
But how many people know me exactly and how many people know what I've been through? well, I don't know, only God knows. Recently I tend to be forgetful, maybe it is good to me, I started to not to be too sad when I face challenges, I am prepared for any situation except for natural disaster and other thing. I don't know, but I feel that this year, I grew up and learned a lot.
I am not that "me" who always have negative thinking in my mind. I started to learn how to charge in a very calm manner. Its not that I am a slow man, I just like to observe then action, well, this is who I am.
We have started BB in Sekolah Seri Suria for 4 weeks, to me I am happy that we have around 10 faithful one, but I get a lot of negative feedback, say few people, no spirit whatever whatever, but I stand firm on my ground, I always have this positive manners and always tell myself:"thank God for these number". Although what I did didn't get appreciated, although I get persecuted, although.... I don't know, if I don't set myself good in terms of thinking, how can I lead my people?
I don't know how long can I stand or hold, but I will do my best when I still available and when I still have power and ability, even I am busy, but I know and I am sure that I am doing the right things, for God's kingdom.

Smile

Recently I get annoyed, well always huh! I am not sure whether how I get annoyed, it just that I don't wish to be as funny as last time I was after finished that movie...
But I have become the original me, normally I just try to be funny, so when I angry, everyone knows what happen, I am so powerful to express my feeling meh, XDD haa

Love Of Siam

Have you watched this movie call 'The Love of Siam'? it is a romantic movie, to the certain extend it is called gay romance, by the way, avoid that part.
This movie talks about love many more, and it is the first movie that make me cry in front of screen out of impression. Except for those 2 men's love, the other part like family part also quite impressed.
This movie won't make me sick, but it really make a good impact in my life.
"When there is love, there is hope"
"when there is love, you will never be alone"

by the way, it is a Thai Movie

Priority

What to do when people call u to priority your life, well, it is not easy for us to actually come out with 2 priority, to other people maybe they are just simple, do this and do that, in life, they just working, studying, stay at home, sport.
But as a believer of Christ, I always have this opportunity to serve, but this already taken my time aLOT, why I highlight this its because, yea, It is truey a lot, from now on, I am going to say No to something that is not neccessary for me.
I have dance, study, ministry, many things, so I am going to give up something, like PhotoHub, I am going giv up although I like photography...
Passion and serving always cannot come as a same peaceful mode, I cannot entertaint 2 parties at a same time.

再累都值得

街边卖花的老奶奶；
在肉干店坐着看报纸的老人；
一群过马路的路人；
在银行排队的人；
还有许多许多我们日常生活中会察觉到但是又不是很明显的现象。
我们都为生活拼搏，为生命打拼。
但是，有多少个知道，活了这么久，到底为了什么。
我们往往在做着手头上东西的时候，往往会忘了我们的目标。
但是当我们觉得苦闷时，提醒自己我们的终止，那么再累都值得。

Trying to live my life better, that's me, but whatever I did I still not satisfied, recently I signed up for the BB boot camp, but I don't feel any excitement, firstly because I am sick, well, quite heavy, but now feel better, during this time, I don't feel like going out, but still, I am going out tomorrow...
secondly, I can't predict what will happen in that camp, and I have no idea what to do, this time my brain is totally blank. Well, I guess it's my life ya =). I hope this time camp will make me forget of something I shouldn't think of, my mind is in chaos, I think of many things, I am trying to make myself busy, because I don't want my mind to stuck because of all these nonsense, well, guess this is me, outwardly, I am a very bad and also heartless guy, but inwardly, I have a great fire in my heart, I may be rational outwardly but emotional inwardly
Off without computer for 2 days, I hope these 2 days will go well... (well means nothing expected don't come out)

Thinking

I am enough of my mind which always think of something nonsense. STOP THINKING ABOUT THE PERSON THAT I NOT SUPPOSE NOT TO THINK!! PLEASE!!
It is very unusual, I was very very struggling on my thinking, my rational told my emotion not to remind myself about someone that I shouldn't fall in love, because there will no ending for us. so, please, stop thinking..
I asked God to help me to clean my mind and remove it, but end up with nothing. PLEASE!!! DON"T MAKE ME SUFFER THIS ANYMORE!!!!

Judgement

Recently I like to judge people on their attitude, sometimes you are just pissed of this because you are a viewer from aside.
Maybe I am taking it too seriously, the students in college always will late in class, which obviously not a good things, can you just imagine in your study and working life, you always late.
Punctuality determines what kind of people are you, well, to me, I see it as a very important point, if you are punctual, you have a good impression, then you can do your things easier. Imagine you have a meeting with your client, and you make it late.
Well, take it as a comparison, I live the farest(new word) among all the people, but I get to reach there earlier than anyone else, this don't mean anything for me but for all those students. As a senior, I felt disappointed to them, you let lecturer wait for you, hey come on, you very big kah?
It is our responsibility, well seems like I have to close one eye for other people, they thought late for class is common in school and actually a thing very yeng, but guess what, to me, you are just a person who like to celebrate April Fool.

The Rain Drops

I don't know why, but I hate heading forward.
within a few weeks, there are many things to do.
I always teach my friend: when things come a lot, you have to choose to give up.
learn to choose what is your passion, and learn to make a right choice.
But to me, I am too afraid, because I am like a chicken.
I am afraid to choose what is my priority.
Performance, study, camp, BB, all come like a rainy season.
Each drop is falling upon me and I can't deny it.
What can I do I just being in the rain, make myself wet.
I am growing up but my skill is getting lower.
I think I have to give up something, honestly, I have to learn to say "no"
If not I will be very tired.

雨量增多

有时候，当你看到别人，你会问，为什么我和别人这么不同？
无论言行举止，成绩，人格，样子，受欢迎度，运气，都不能和别人比。
反正世界就是这样，不公平的终究是不公平，无论你到哪里，地球还是一样的转，世界永远都不会变。
身边出现的人越来越多，有母性的我也开始放弃照顾小的宗旨了。
他们自己会适应的，也不用变得那么好客了，你怎么对人不等于别人怎么对你。
以为我能够做到，但是实在是太累了，真的很累。
晚上坐下来回想时，差点要垮掉，因为要在人前演戏，真的很累人。
也许，我已摆脱以前的我，但是，我现在想变回以前那一个
那一个朋友不多，情绪化，小气，不爱开玩笑的我，至少不用那么累。
不说话的时候也能想想，想下有什么东西做。
不知道一个静静的我，沉默的我会带给别人什么影响。
身边的演员实在太多，我已经放弃，不想再把感情放在他们身上。
我不会再虚伪，还是我从来就不。
快，狠，准，一向来是我说话的方式，也许已得罪了人，是时候用沉默的自己来挽回,或再次得罪？

I am also the Same

Communication, it is the tool that you might have with people in this life and world. Recently I will always tell people that struggle with their decision that made by their parents, and said that communication is a best tool for you.
But, in my life, my area, I am a failure, i don't dare to talk with my father if I got something need to shout out loud. I am not a good communicator, I fail all the time.

Disappointment

Like I said, don't give people hope if you don't wanna fulfill it, especially for your son. You guys may think: Sam, you get disappointed by your parents?, Yea, apart from that, story begin.
Still remember my father said he asked me to ask the price? yea, at last I got the cheap price ever. But guess what? "son, don't be so rush, I don't say I wanna buy." After hearing this, imagine a emotional human who waited something he expected for 1 year and yet his father didn't even care for it then said this to him. That time my mind is chaos, as I expected, parent always break promise, I am ready for it.
I am not sad for not buying the camera, but I am sad that I had this kind of father, which he called me to ask price for DSLR is just acting in front of his friends, showing off... I told myself not to cry, because I am not a kid anymore, I am not a kid in a supermarket where my parents don't buy things to me I will cry all the way home, I should think and calm down, I must be strong, because I will not trust on anyone including family on major things anymore.
After that word, many things come into my mind, we all know that that's not money problem, its already been 3 days, this thing hinder me a lot, my friends who knew my feeling come and confronted me, just fine, I will not hold a single camera anymore, this kind of action make me sick of camera, from now on, I will not be a photographer, never ever. I will work all the way myself next time to get the thing I want.

Appreciative

What I told my senior today was, I discover people who study or working under a particular school or company would not appreciate their on "working" place".
I am not a person who like to rub shoes(it is definitely tiring), but in my own opinion, I think sometimes we should really think and evaluate ourselves. Okay let's give some example, students always blame on college facilities and lecturer and some sort so far bla bla bla, don't wanna talk much.
But sometimes in my opinion, I am a student who study here, whenever the student leader need help, I will go and help. When asking me to involve in an event, I accidentally(some sort) said, if you need me, I will be there. Because you are the member there if you don't support, who will? right? I am not those who like to appear in event to let people see that I am actually talented!!! please! look at me!! I am so good!! But sometimes in event, I can gain experience, knowledge(old word, bored of this), so ya, because I just wanna help, so easy.

Team Work

Teamwork... in many sense it talks about reliable and dependant to each other, which mean 1 man cannot do 1 thing, we need a team to finish all those works.
When come to this, we always tend to say this, no hero, which is equivalent to no 1 man show, but is it all heroes are individualistic? except for those comic characters, but honest speaking, that's hard to finish 1 thing with 1 man show, which we require a lot of teamwork inside it.
Come back to my life, to me, I don't really depend on people(except for those who really reliable), because I got disappointed quite a lot of time, but I still moving on as what who am I now. That's what I been through, neglected, betrayal, mocking, insulting by friends and teammates, but I still moving out, by enduring all my tears which make me today.
I said to myself before do not rely on people and everytime I do things and in action, I shall play as 1 man, but I found my strength is limited. Two is better than one, I am still finding a really good partner of mine, sometimes drama really attracts me a lot, especially those who have team spirit and partnership which did a lot of good things out.
Just like Fusion, two weak people came together can actually do a greater things than a successful people, I always believe in this, but I cannot apply it, so sad. Secondary time, I though I found many partners and teammates and all those Two is Better than One stuff,but eventually I failed.
1 man show isn't bad, but it ain't good as well, I tried my best to be individual but God put me into team. BB and my future career, I should learn to trust, but are my teammates trustworthy? no one knows that, so as I.

Materialism

DSLR, iPhone, Laptop, shoes, and what else? well, there are much more things to talk about that is currently hitz in this world which everybody talks about and has it in their hands.
Let's talk about DSLR, currently I want 1,so, yup, my father approves it. Before I bought I was really thinking: Am I gonna have it because of many people(even 14 years 0ld kid) have it or I really want. But think it carefully, 1 of my interest or passion is actually taking photos and shooting and a simple compact camera cannot satisfy me of course, so I guess ya, I am not that kind of people. (even the shopping mall also so many people holding canon eos, me and my cousin teasing them showing off, must get one greater and more complicated stuff to show off in front of those "showing off" people, hope you know how I feel in that particular time.)
come back to iPhone, the greatest hitz of all time, WOW!! u CRAZEEE man?? well yea, iPhone is something a greatest prove for materialism, they are really like this. in a group of 5, we can clearly see that 4 of them(or even the fifth one has it) holding and actually moving the screen, but actually by comparison, college students don't really need it much, unless you are a part time boss of a company that's need to check e mail regularly, honestly, even my brother and I are satisfied with our phones. So a phone for you to play song and game and whatever it should be, it is something not neccessary for my age. iPhone, lolx, I am not a sour grapes, but actually ya, to see something that I don't have now, I feel that I am quite happy with these things.

初六

不仅不觉，来到了初六，日子过得真快，再过九天，新年就过去了。不知道的人，还以为还能拿红包呢！
最近都很忙，想出来玩一下，松松脑筋很筋骨，因为未来的路很难走。再难走，也要硬着头皮走下去。
时间分分秒秒的过，我就越来越心酸，想起新年前，有多么的想过年，现在，闷.... 也好，热闹也不属于我的style.

New Year

Stepping into the 4th day of Chinese New Year, these days of gathering make me feel... a little bit emotional, I don't know why. 4 days... without questioning it is not enough, it is something like a very short and unneccessary and without fun.
Except for visit each other we got nothing to do, seriously, well, maybe that's life, we tend to love something new and fresh, but when comes to 18 to 19 years, it turns tasteless. But, thanks to my friend, Raymond and his brother, father to pursue my father to get a DSLR for me, finally he had approved, now I just have to wait patiently for the price and buy it.
one more thing that I get in CNY, I always wonder, am I studying a right course? I don't know, my result never be so good as I expected, but along the 1 year to study, God actually show me something, but I am still wondering... I am quite lost for what am I studying now. God showed me how people really impressed by my work, especially in church, but... I still wondering for it, hope this is really what I choose is right.

Just Random

I felt depressions keep coming into my mind and stop me moving forward. I don't know but the pressure that given by the upper positions really make me cannot breathe, I was like, am I going to question? If I question, will it be a disobedience? I am really... afraid. I don't know how can I step forward, and I cannot move backward anymore.
These 2 weeks I get a lot, things that has done are already done, stuff that be solved is solved. But what about this? what about that, things things keep coming to my mind that really depress me, I am happy to know more people in my life, in the same time I feel sad and... and depressed? because of some pressure coming to me that really hinder me to choosing a right way, left or right? which road should I take, I just want to stop walking. I am sad, I am discouraged... from the very first of this year I was, I am, but I will be not, how can I tell myself that?
I wanna shout out loud for my foolishness, for my uselessness that I cannot solve a problem and cannot console myself for many things, yet I called myself as one of a leader in church, am I fooling myself? am I misusing my ability? Am I.....

1st Week of schooling

Well, 1st week of schooling is almost coming to an end, and this is only the beginning. Boredom is coming lately.
Well, thank God that everyday we will have Presentation to decrease the boredom, but among all the short semester course, I like History of Art and Design. The lecturer promoted it very well, he can actually take my attention, unlike other Sejarah teacher in secondary school.
I don't know whether I can pass this semester but I will surely try my best, college to me like no more problem in passing but scoring.

Giving Thanks

With people gone and come, passing by, friends, family, strangers, brothers and sisters. There are many kinds of men and women you actually dealing with.
Among so many people, last few days something just prompt to my mind about last year, someone really appear in my life that I should really appreciate them. Maybe to them or to other people, (or maybe to me) it is not an important, it is just a little tiny things in the world, just an ant among 10 cows.
Story begin like this, there is a senior of me, i heard it for twice, he always say this while other people asking and curious about my ability, he will say:"you learned this right? go and do it la" yes, this sentence really gave me a great encouragement and also increase our rate of friendship inside. I like the way of this senior tell me and encourage me while others just curious about my ability.
2nd group of people were those who people higher ranking than me, one of them see me forward to be a higher leader. I am happy to have them. and one more say that I have a potential, just that something hindering me.
I am just giving example, just wanna give thanks to those who encouraged me and look forward to me, I will not disappoint you guys =)