These days I face a lot of worriness again that i can't make me focus on what am I doing currently.
I still worry about my result although I tried my best
No matter how much I surrender to God, I still can't put down this
Is this worriness is carrying me until I go into college?
Although everything is okay, but I don't know what happen to my brain
It keeps on thinking about this thing
I wanna shout stop it but I can't, I can't control my mind anymore.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Life could be easy, but why...?
After several times of struggling and considering about XXX and college, I found out that actually we received a lot of difficulty from others
Why I say so? well, because XXX is not a useful program for me, it gave us enjoyment inside but the result is nothing, obviously. The objective of XXX can't be seen. Life really can be easier, just because of humans always make it complicated. And now, they complicate me very very badly. I can fly like a bird, but sometimes I live in this world, everything is walking with rules and regulation. I don't sure that I can survive in this world, but I am very sure that actually I am having bitterness, a bitterness that can't make me grow but make me sad, a bitterness can't make me laugh after this but cry for this.
I hope to see miracle, although something solved, but another things will come after solving, humans have a lot of problems to solved is because of they themselves made the problems, so human made problems, human suffer for it. It is a cycle, just it is different character and different view.
Now that I know my family is concerning about my college life, my brother tried his best to register for me and get those information for me. My mother worried about how I go to college and also solve the problem with me. My brother pursues my father to pay. LOLX XD
But what use? XXX always is my big gap of studying and my future, I can enjoy in it, so what? I am good in my life now, why I need another entertainment. I can do my favorite stuff in this time, I am going to participate a Dancing Competition. But, because of you, I have to worry, and can't pay a single focus on it. Because of you...
Life is easy, why we have to complicate it? I don't know, because the world is evil? so we have to make rules?
Why I say so? well, because XXX is not a useful program for me, it gave us enjoyment inside but the result is nothing, obviously. The objective of XXX can't be seen. Life really can be easier, just because of humans always make it complicated. And now, they complicate me very very badly. I can fly like a bird, but sometimes I live in this world, everything is walking with rules and regulation. I don't sure that I can survive in this world, but I am very sure that actually I am having bitterness, a bitterness that can't make me grow but make me sad, a bitterness can't make me laugh after this but cry for this.
I hope to see miracle, although something solved, but another things will come after solving, humans have a lot of problems to solved is because of they themselves made the problems, so human made problems, human suffer for it. It is a cycle, just it is different character and different view.
Now that I know my family is concerning about my college life, my brother tried his best to register for me and get those information for me. My mother worried about how I go to college and also solve the problem with me. My brother pursues my father to pay. LOLX XD
But what use? XXX always is my big gap of studying and my future, I can enjoy in it, so what? I am good in my life now, why I need another entertainment. I can do my favorite stuff in this time, I am going to participate a Dancing Competition. But, because of you, I have to worry, and can't pay a single focus on it. Because of you...
Life is easy, why we have to complicate it? I don't know, because the world is evil? so we have to make rules?
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
New Year
This new year I have no free day, everyday I have to go out or wait people to come out. Better than stay in house, finally I have non-holiday holiday.
1st day, waiting for people to come, then go people's house
2nd day, waiting for relatives to come back and waiting for Lion Dance.
3rd day, go to sing Karaoke and then go for my grandma's house.
4th day, go for visitation with my ex-classmates
5th day, get invited from Kah Wai and then go for a talk
6th day, practice for church performance
7th day, go for visitation with BB members and rehearsal
8th day, perfomance
ETC ETC
wow, so many program!!!!!
1st day, waiting for people to come, then go people's house
2nd day, waiting for relatives to come back and waiting for Lion Dance.
3rd day, go to sing Karaoke and then go for my grandma's house.
4th day, go for visitation with my ex-classmates
5th day, get invited from Kah Wai and then go for a talk
6th day, practice for church performance
7th day, go for visitation with BB members and rehearsal
8th day, perfomance
ETC ETC
wow, so many program!!!!!
Sunday, February 7, 2010
MASK
As I joined Valentine Service yesterday, I get a rough idea.
Why don't we BB organise a Halloween Parade, everyone can dress their weird dress and involve into this meeting, so that it can attract more people to come.
Imagine you are in Malaysia, the country which is not celebrating Halloween,
but suddenly your friend invite you to dress like a ghost, fair, monster, witch or even movie character to a party, will you join?
I beg must be very interesting event.
Why will I get this idea?
well, when I inviting my friends to Valentine Services, they are excited and go everywhere to find a mask and dress their best, because this is new to them. If we use this concept in Halloween,
there must be many people present in that event.
Imagine.
Phantom of the Opera is doing chairing.
The vampire is leading us to sing songs
and a band of vampires and zombies is playing drums, guitar, bass and keyboard. then a drama to present what is Halloween.
The interactive of audience and chairperson.
Maybe we can see Men In Black that day, wahahahaha.
I am going to submit this idea to leaders, try to apply it in October. So far the dreams...
Friends, How would you think?
Why don't we BB organise a Halloween Parade, everyone can dress their weird dress and involve into this meeting, so that it can attract more people to come.
Imagine you are in Malaysia, the country which is not celebrating Halloween,
but suddenly your friend invite you to dress like a ghost, fair, monster, witch or even movie character to a party, will you join?
I beg must be very interesting event.
Why will I get this idea?
well, when I inviting my friends to Valentine Services, they are excited and go everywhere to find a mask and dress their best, because this is new to them. If we use this concept in Halloween,
there must be many people present in that event.
Imagine.
Phantom of the Opera is doing chairing.
The vampire is leading us to sing songs
and a band of vampires and zombies is playing drums, guitar, bass and keyboard. then a drama to present what is Halloween.
The interactive of audience and chairperson.
Maybe we can see Men In Black that day, wahahahaha.
I am going to submit this idea to leaders, try to apply it in October. So far the dreams...
Friends, How would you think?
Saturday, February 6, 2010
SIGH
Now it's my time to spread out my voice, as the holiday that I spend is going to be shorten, I always worry about my result will not be good enough for me to go into college. Many people said that I am lacking of confident, but why I can't feel that, I really think that I am not that good enough to get a 3 credits result instead of no confident.
I try not to worry, but I can't do that, when people ask me am I studying college, I have a worriness in my heart that 'Am I really studying next? or I will be working because my result is too bad.' Sometimes compare me myself to my friends future, I am very sad that I afraid that I will not be like them can study college and continue their college life.
I think I am really fed up, I don't know what happen, I always think that I can't do it, I can't do it, even many people comfort me, but I am still worry and my mind telling me I can't. People can study at future firmly, but I am still shaky, can I really do that? keep asking myself is not solving any problem, but what can help me to release my knots.
I am too worried until I can't focus on something that I like. Since now, to me, dream is just a dream, when u imagine, it just can in your mind. from kindergarten until now, I didn't really plan for myself, what school am I going to in, which class am I going to in. SO what I plan now, I don't have confident that it is going to achieve, because, what I planned, I can't achieve, what I achieve, not what I planned. So I think this is also. aybe after result come out, I will give up for college and start to work, to continue my path, even how best I try in my exam, I have no confident in it anymore....
I try not to worry, but I can't do that, when people ask me am I studying college, I have a worriness in my heart that 'Am I really studying next? or I will be working because my result is too bad.' Sometimes compare me myself to my friends future, I am very sad that I afraid that I will not be like them can study college and continue their college life.
I think I am really fed up, I don't know what happen, I always think that I can't do it, I can't do it, even many people comfort me, but I am still worry and my mind telling me I can't. People can study at future firmly, but I am still shaky, can I really do that? keep asking myself is not solving any problem, but what can help me to release my knots.
I am too worried until I can't focus on something that I like. Since now, to me, dream is just a dream, when u imagine, it just can in your mind. from kindergarten until now, I didn't really plan for myself, what school am I going to in, which class am I going to in. SO what I plan now, I don't have confident that it is going to achieve, because, what I planned, I can't achieve, what I achieve, not what I planned. So I think this is also. aybe after result come out, I will give up for college and start to work, to continue my path, even how best I try in my exam, I have no confident in it anymore....
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Dream?
It's been a long long day since I have a topic to update my blog, I am suffering in emotional breakdown lately, even though my facial expression not really like it, but actually I myself suffer a lot.
Even how many times I told myself don't think about things like that but the brain keep telling me I can't achieve. Yes, even I told myself how many times I can man!!, but fear keep filling my brain. Now I am full of fear that my dream can't be achieve.
I wish to study to get a diploma level just like my brother did. But can I do that in my future, that is many many many stronghold in front of me which I try to avoid. My friends tell me I can do it, don't worry, but what can I do?
I wish to be a photographer, photo editor and even a video editor. To edit the photo that shoot, then post it into a website and design it, to promote my future company. I also have a dream that I want to apply my imagination into animation and make it appear in front of my eyes and not just in my brain.
When I say I can, I can. but is this real? who can give me a real answer?...
Even how many times I told myself don't think about things like that but the brain keep telling me I can't achieve. Yes, even I told myself how many times I can man!!, but fear keep filling my brain. Now I am full of fear that my dream can't be achieve.
I wish to study to get a diploma level just like my brother did. But can I do that in my future, that is many many many stronghold in front of me which I try to avoid. My friends tell me I can do it, don't worry, but what can I do?
I wish to be a photographer, photo editor and even a video editor. To edit the photo that shoot, then post it into a website and design it, to promote my future company. I also have a dream that I want to apply my imagination into animation and make it appear in front of my eyes and not just in my brain.
When I say I can, I can. but is this real? who can give me a real answer?...
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